How do I pick up girls where I work?

troubledsoul · 3 months

Yeah, I mean... I guarantee a lot of the college girls in our area either: a) don't have online dating profiles, or b) don't have them listed in our area (since they might count their former residence as their "home" when they list themselves).

Also, I don't enjoy all the rednecks... No me gusta.

troubledsoul · 3 months

Not at all, and I do go to parties and bars, but I suppose when I'm there I just have not run into a girl that I feel isn't the stereotypical party- or bar-girl.

I'm not in school anymore, and I go out all the time with friends, friends from work, my roommates... all that jazz.

Is there some better option I'm overlooking?

I'm kind of used to not having to find the girls, but being able to charm them very easily. It's just a matter of finding the girls.

troubledsoul · 3 months

Haha, hate that place...

Cutepid · 3 months

State College, PA!

troubledsoul · 4 months

I recommended that she join that subreddit as well.

troubledsoul · 4 months

No I am not. Just talking with her!

troubledsoul · 4 months

It definitely helps! I explained the stuff about the ass and pussy, but didn't want to go into too much detail... she seemed squeamish when I even said the word "blowjob", so you can understand why I didn't use too many graphic terms...

troubledsoul · 4 months

I don't think she can honestly see why men are attractive, and doesn't understand what women found in men in terms of a physical attraction. Other than arms. She says she likes arms. And I'm positive she knows the difference between an attractive face and an unattractive face, so there's that. This is what everything sounded like from talking to her.

When it comes to "a build up where it will be this awful thing", well... for example, she said she found penises gross, and she couldn't imagine on the wedding night, when her husband takes it out and it's really gross... which right there is just a huge reason why sexual compatibility is important and being able to learn about all these sexual perspectives should be so hugely important.

troubledsoul · 4 months

Feel free to elaborate on any and all things related to female empowerment when it comes to sex. Anything that dispels the following:

1) Girls are servants in sexual activities that might typically be submissive.

2) SEXUAL ACT is gross.

3) How could FEMALE BODY PART possibly be attractive?

etc.

Things that someone with no experience, no expectations, and little knowledge would be curious about.

I don't mean to force anything down her throat. She will be reading all of this, and I want her to understand a different perspective from her own... not necessarily be convinced, but be a bit more open-minded overall.

troubledsoul · 5 months

That's awesome! And that's exactly right. There are so many factors that go into it, but if you give a girl your number, the girl will contact you if she wants to. If she's so spoiled that she needs to be pursued and somehow gets offended by this, she's not worth my time anyway.

So did you contact her to dance? ;)

troubledsoul · 5 months

You should write a book, my friend. Mother of god, the experiences in that biography would be interesting to read.

To talk more about my specific approach and interaction, is that I've become very skilled in the art of grabbing a girl's attention, keeping it, putting her interest on the rise, and then finally giving my number and asking her to let me know if she wants to get together some time.

The thing is, I don't do it for a "game", I don't do it for a sleazy "pickup", or anything like that. I do it with the girls I'm interested in and I find the girls that would be interested in me. At the end of the day, I know if I asked for their number, I would get it. It's not about that avoidance. It's about the fun in trying new things, in giving my number out and seeing how it goes, in living life and not caring about 10 digits from girl to girl. To emphasize this point--this lack of worry and care--I decided I'd give out my number, put the worry out of my hands in how to deal with the initial contact or any of that BS, and if she does get in contact with me, there is no denying she is interested.

By playing this "game" in a way that emphasizes an interaction and connection rather than the close, I've definitely bumped up my success with fast interest from girls, rather than anything gradual or anything that might not go places. It leaves my mind, through the whole interaction, focused on just that--the interaction. Not the digits. Not seeing her in the future. Nothing.

The level of feeling in control, the confidence, the ability to not worry--all of that makes the entire interaction that much better, and that is what does it.

So, I suppose, for me, it helps me emphasize my mindset that makes girls find me so attractive, like you mention, and I think that is what does it. This trick is more for me than it is for the ladies, but at the same time, it is because of the trick that I can get the ladies, although indirectly... does that make sense?

But yes, your last statement is the most powerful one, and the one no one can disagree with. Whether or not you ask for or give a number, it's being the person that they want around, and not the person that wants to be around them, that makes you so attractive to them, and makes you a winner when you meet a girl. By showing that you're happy with your life, with your faults, with your goals, with your dreams, with everything, you're showing her you don't need her, and women find that just as attractive. It's a feeling you can't fake, and you shouldn't fake--you should find that point in your life and embrace it and hold onto it, because it makes you feel good, and everyone around notices it.

I have really enjoyed all of your posts. You're a very wise dude with a take on life very different from mine, but equally verbose and detailed. It's a pleasure to read what you have to say. Thanks for your input.

troubledsoul · 5 months

That's not the same as giving your number out. What you did was put her in the position of making plans and the path of the relationship up to her entirely--what giving your number out does is just a method of getting their number differently, and when you do get the number, you maintain the situation of power.

I'm not talking bad about your plans, the logic there can work if you're feeling like you were friendzoned and you want to leave it up to her to make plans. What you did makes sense, and I would have done the same thing, kind of a, "Listen, if you want to hang out, cool, if not, whatever," but it is different than giving your number out, because when you give your number out, you're not losing control in anything.

Think of it this way, when you ask for her number, what does she give you? Her number. She controls whether or not she gives you her number, after all. When you give her your number, what does she give you? Again, she'll give you her number when she texts you, and that is the same decision she is making. You aren't putting her in a position to make plans and be the dude in the scenario, you're just approaching the situation of the number exchange in a way that makes you look good (in most scenarios) and you avoid the worry and hassle of getting her number and wondering if she's interested.

Don't take anything I said as offensive, please, I don't mean to offend, but I realize how text sounds. At the base level, what you did worked in a totally different way, so I'm not saying you're wrong--it's just different.

troubledsoul · 5 months

If I do write a book, I'll be sure to get in contact with you and put you in a credit.

troubledsoul · 5 months

What do you put on the business card yourself?

Also, what situations are you in where you give them your card? Bars, coffee places, business events?

All that background matters too.

troubledsoul · 5 months

It's not that a girl already likes you when you're out. If you're interacting with her and you know she likes you, then you're in--you don't have to worry about half of these problems!

I never said that it will make a girl that already likes you stop liking you. I said it works on a certain type of girl, and that you're safer writing it on a slip of paper or a napkin if you aren't sure if she's into you or would react negatively.

troubledsoul · 5 months

The thing is, I don't have a lot of girls coming after me, I do have to pursue girls--I am just solid enough in the interaction department to not have a lot of worry with all that.

However, saying it is a gimmick is correct, but not in a negative sense. It's a gimmick that makes you stand out. It's not a magic move that will circumvent the rest of the interaction if you had no connection or you sucked at everything else, but it is a move that looks damn attractive when you pull it off, and if you're smart about using it, it should work so much.

troubledsoul · 5 months

You hit basically everything on the head 100%, except for one part: I never claimed that "the game" was a clear-cut method that works 100% the same way for every guy, and every girl, in every scenario. In fact, I stated the opposite in almost every one of my posts where someone address that what I said wouldn't work for X or Y, and if I ever didn't abolish that idea or I accidentally did say it would be the 100% method to getting a girl, then I apologize--call me out on that and I will edit it into oblivion and state all of my apologies into how I didn't mean for it to sound the way it did.

I don't think I did, but I just want to be sure.

As for what you said, you're extremely right. So right that I'm saving your post, because you hit the nail on your head with a lot of things. And you know what? That type you described doesn't work for every girl, it doesn't work in every scenario, or at every time. I'm not saying it does. However, I am saying that I have had the ability to judge what will work and what won't, and that has kept me out of a lot of rejection and other worries that I'm thankful for.

You and I don't disagree on anything, unless I'm not understanding your point?

My idea of giving out my number isn't my 100% method to a close, but it has become more of a trend lately and I've seen it through to many successes, specifically 5/5 in the past week that I've tried for it, and I wanted to talk about it more and get everyone's opinion on the matter: where my theory holds up, where it fails, things like that.

My essential question to the community is: Okay guys, I have tried this and it has worked, but I want to find some better constants to the method, and figure out what the variables are that would make it or break it.

So, you listed a ton of variables to the game, which I already fully understand--interaction and attraction failures can't be circumvented by just magically handing out your number. I never wanted to come across that it could.

Now, I want some variables and constants to the scenarios and girls where this would work. I've already drummed up several, but I wanted a better community-wide talk about all of this. As we can all see, it's a very conflicting idea--some guys love it, other guys hate it, some are just impartial to it. Obviously it will or will not work for different types of guys as well. If you think it will fail, it will fail--that's just a basic mindset thing.

So you've responded to me twice with some really deep shit, but you never really gave me your opinion on the entire topic, have you? I'm curious what your experiences have been.

troubledsoul · 5 months

Don't get me wrong, I've felt rejection later on in relationships... isn't that something? Having your heart broken or something equivalent is a way worse form of rejection than a girl turning you down at a bar, and once you get past that, everything else is mundane and trivial. That's how I looked at it.

Also, if you told any of my closest friends that I'm probably not pick enough, they'd laugh at you hysterically. We always joke because I get into these long, deep rants about what I want in a girl, and they roll their eyes and laugh when they see it coming, because I'm extremely picky. So much so.

Now, one doesn't have to be picky to land an interaction or a date, but it's after that point that I've friendzoned girls or moved on. I've had a few serious relationships and, at this point, I can catch the red flags and the concerns that crop up and know when to cut my losses, rather than waiting to be disappointed later on... you know?

I'm extremely picky, I'm in my early-twenties, and the user name TroubledSoul comes from a song. I'm interested in always finding that perfect girl, and I love being single at the same time, so I'm always out and about talking to girls, trying to pick them up online or offline, it doesn't matter. I always play a similar game, I talk to my roommates and friends about the moves I'll put on "that night" or something, and then report back with how it went, and I've always just had a charm that I can only describe as being a lack of worry. I'm not arrogantly confident, I'm just worry-free confident. You know? I've had successful relationships, been an awesome boyfriend and sexual partner, and I know what I can achieve--so I'm not out to prove anything like some other guys. I'm out to have fun, and if I find a girl that connects, awesome!

I don't know if you're joking about the book part, but I've always loved talking about these topics, and I've always wanted to do something like that. I want to, again, clarify that my confidence isn't related to some arrogance or mastery of the pick-up arts, because I couldn't pick up every girl, but that my confidence is just related to... a mindset that I've established over the years.

As for understanding human interaction, that's what I spend my time doing most. I'm very psychological in that regard, and I love analyzing other people's interactions or my own. I really do think that I am better at this part than anything else, because it really interests me, so I do try.

Also, I don't think you're taking shots at me, I do appreciate the hard questions. :) Any more for me?

troubledsoul · 5 months

Oh shit, I never said I'm having success solely based on the fact that I've handed out my number rather than the opposite. I still ask for girls' numbers some times, but I've been using this close more and more and had much more success with it.

The entire interaction is what is important. I know what I've got going for me, and I'm not going to be a braggart about all of that, but I know that I'm an average looking guys and my friends have always been impressed by the girls I've brought around.

Well, not always... we always slip and bring back a 5 or 6 every now and then, right? Sad to say, but true. Ah, alcohol...

spinaroonie · 5 months

So, I'm going to attack the points one at a time, then add some other thoughts. I want you to know that I'm not trying to argue or anything, but just debating with the healthy challenge--so please don't take anything I say as too hostile or anything. Just a friendly disclaimer before I rant. :)

1) I'm not generalizing, because this move won't: a) work on every girl, b) work in every scenario, and c) won't work with every interaction.

2) That makes send what you're saying about tradition in that sense, but at the same time, you just proved a point I made: by changing the norm during the interaction, you're not only standing out and being unique (which we both agree is good), but changing it up for them as well, and girls fucking love that spontaneous shit. You just told the attractive woman that you're worth it by giving her your number. You aren't like other guys that would ask for her number, grovel at her feet, and hope she goes out with them. You confidently gave her your number, and you give her the feeling that the ball is in her court.

3) Regarding power and control, you're treating it on the outside looking in like everyone else seems to before they can understand what you're doing in this situation... so consider this. You ask for a girl's number, and she gives it to you. You got her number, awesome! You're in control! Right? Wrong. You're in control up until you make that first contact with her again. Then, suddenly, were you ever in control? Did she ever give you her real number? Is she interested? Will she remember me? I'm not just implying that you worry, but all of these factors are indicators that you are not at all in control from that point on. By giving out your number, she both understand that you were in control first of all by initiating the number-exchange one way or another, and by leaving it up to her to contact you, then (along with a variety of reasons) she can feel that little bit of power and control that will feel awesome to her, up until she sends that first message or makes the first call. Then, the ball is in your court the entire time, and you're leading the entire conversation. Things will change if a date happens or you fuck up, but really, there's no better way to maintain power than giving out your number like this. Just make sure the interaction is strong.

4) If you're meeting a girl that blows you away and you're already considering her marriage material, you're clearly working way too hard off the bat. I'm someone who uses my pickup skills for the sake of a relationship, not for casual sex. I date a lot, and see where it goes, and fool around sometimes, but my main goal has always been through short- or long-term relationships. With that said, the way I've met girls that have been marriage material was through acting just like I mention above. Sure, you run the risk of never hearing from them again, which is a huge looming worry... so don't have that worry. Push it to the back of your mind. Maintain the interaction for as long as feel comfortable, then give her your number. If you honestly feel like just giving your number to her scares you because you don't think she'd contact you (which, again, would only allow you to not waste your time), then ask her by saying, "So, why don't I give you my number?" or "I gave you my number, aren't you going to be nice and give me yours now?" Get playful with it. Regardless, this move does work a lot of the time, I promise you, and there are so many ways to spin it. To clarify, she's not picking the place, the date, or anything like that. And if she jumps on that role, go with it, but I've never found a scenario where I've given a girl my number, and then she's played the man role. She always just texts to say hi, or to give me her number, or something that puts her immediately back in the submissive position in the entire relationship moving forward, unless you slip off your pedestal and lose your touch at any point afterwards.

I guarantee 5 other guys didn't give her their card--they probably asked for her number. This move doesn't happen as often as you might assume.

I've dated a ton of women as well, and I'm only in my early 20's, so we obviously have different experiences from different times. I want to clarify, again, that you aren't putting the girl into the pursuer role by giving her your number, you're just elevating the interest, being unique, making it seem more worth her time, and a variety of other reasons I've listed throughout this thread. If you do this and she is aggressively pursuing, I agree--back the fuck away from that! Don't stick your dick in crazy! But I've never run into that issue. A girl gets in contact with me, showing she's interested, and then you have free reign to basically line up anything becuase you know she's interested. You act confident, and then you feel confident. And it shows. And they love it, they eat it up.

The thing is, you shouldn't be going for numbers, you should be going for the interaction and the connection itself. The number is a side goal. That's a lot of guys' biggest problem. If a girl is interested, she will not hesitate to text you and give you her number, and girls, as the traditionally pursued, will always have a crafty way to open up more pursuit while still showing their interest. Shit, that happens all the time regardless.

So, I want to just make it clear, if nothing else makes sense: you are not putting her into the role of the pursuer or the aggressor, you are not giving her control over any situation other than the ability to still provide her phone number (which she has anyway), and you are not losing anything by doing this.

If you're still single, go try it. Don't report back to prove if you're right or wrong, because with the inherent idea that this move would work so rarely, you're likely to not report any awesome findings from being unbiased about it. Your best bet is to go try it and see if it works for you. That's the key. It's all in the presentation, the interaction, the scenario--not in just the last minute of an entire scenario.

Try it for your own sake if you're single, and if not, try to understand that none of your worries conflict with anything in the idea I've laid out. I swear, just try it for yourself and see what happens. :)

Good talking with you, man.

troubledsoul · 5 months

If a girl likes you, she will want the number... however, drummer_86 seems to be referring to writing the number on their hand, which I mean that that will only work on a certain type of a girl.

So it's not the giving of the number, but the way you give it, that works on certain types of girls.

troubledsoul · 5 months

Hey, that's clever! That's a damn good point. It's the perfect opportunity for something like that. Works as a joke too!

troubledsoul · 5 months

I'm certainly trying to read all the comments! Making a big claim and also asking for opinion the way I did, I can't be expected to do anything short of answering and responding to every concern or comment or question, right?

So, this is the hardest question... if you're talking to the person online (online dating, you resume interaction through facebook, or anything like that), it's easy, right? Where do you leave the number? On the chat program, duh, done.

However, in person, it's much tougher. Do you grab her arm and write it on her skin? Do you hand her a pre-made stack of ripped up papers with your name on it? Do you grab her cell phone and put it in?

Here are some ways to give out your number, with some pros/cons:

The napkin/piece of paper laying around, which you then write the number down in front of them, is the best way to go. It shows you weren't prepared, so you don't risk looking like a player.

A business card for something you're proud of, which shows you're professional and classy and well-off (if the situation is right). However, some girls will see this as over-the-top, so you have to be careful with this approach.

Her arm/hand/skin is a good place to put it if you want to be memorable, but there's a lot of disadvantages here. For example, this could really bother her, or she'd give you a way-worse rejection than she would otherwise for your invasion of space. There's too many variables; if the interaction didn't go well, if you didn't have enough kino already, if she hates people writing on her skin (I know I do), or she just isn't into you, you're going to get shut down. I personally think there is a small, small, small percentage of girls that would find this cute, so use at your own risk.

Pre-made stack of papers with your number are a definite no. This looks like you're a player, is very messy, and... just, no.

Her cell phone is really more of a sacred object, as it is to most girls, and you really shouldn't grab it and put your number in, ever. Unless she invites you to do so. If a girl reached for my phone, it'd be cute at first, but then... "Yeah, the phone is locked. Uh, no, here... You have to--why don't you just give me your number?" and suddenly it's a messy exchange because it was too complicated on a smartphone these days, and she feels like an idiot. So yeah, I'd recommend not doing this, but if you do, let me know how it goes.

I'm blanking on some other methods, so maybe some other people could fill in the gaps?

troubledsoul

TROPHY CASE

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