An elephant stepped on my foot when I was a child causing me to lose feeling in three of my toes which is why I drive without a shoe on my right foot. What is something that has happened to you which sounds made up? A real life event that sounds like it was taken out of a bad comedy movie.

The_Five · 2012-05-24T22:45:26.535048+00:00

I have a scar right between my eyes from when glass rained down on me. (I broke a light fixture above me.)

Clayburn · 2012-05-24T22:25:06.185432+00:00

People who are genetically predisposed to using birth control can stay. Those who are genetically predisposed to accidental pregnancies are not allowed to reproduce.

Damn you, Darwin!

fastparticles · 2012-05-24T21:51:59.950603+00:00

Let the scientists find a Theory of Everything, then leave it to the engineers to make it useful.

fastparticles · 2012-05-24T21:49:44.408508+00:00

There are similar uses for imaginary numbers in the real world, especially in physics. I'll let someone more qualified give examples.

fastparticles · 2012-05-24T21:38:48.568875+00:00

My AP Biology teacher regularly rants about how food companies improve foods (without genetic engineering, and hence the non-GMO label) by blasting them with UV, and seeing what mutations turn up, and that this is a lot more dangerous than genetic engineering.

oldspicerolldadice · 1 day

Reminds me of that Dr. Who episode with catpeople.

oldspicerolldadice · 1 day

What an idiot! Everyone knows it should have been "farther away".

littlebalooney · 1 day

The ratio's pretty average (no more than 1 standard deviation above the mean). What's amazing is the product of aww and nasty.

jacobmclaughlin · 1 day

"...No soap. Radio!"

Waltzinblack · 1 day

I think that's the first time I've seen guys in the "singles near you" ads.

mnelawar · 1 day

For me, when it takes longer, it's because I really have to go. I've weighed myself at more than a pound a couple of times.

mnelawar · 1 day

Come to think of it, I can't remember what any of my host's toilet brushes look like.

cptphifer · 2 days

I would date you. You're like 3 times as awesome as me.

TestZero · 3 days

Kudos to your professor for admitting he was wrong (although considerably less for his late admission).

ruckus666 · 8 days

Because calling people out on adjustings is just as awkward as making or seeing them.

Sensitivity · 9 days

But vending machines are awful in terms of value you get for your money. A $1 candy bar or soda (in addition to being nutritionally useless) is like 30^c in bulk at a grocery store.

YouKnowHer · 9 days

I only do this when I'm masturbating.

ruckus666 · 9 days

Girls adjusting bras is weird, too.

ruckus666 · 9 days

These puns aren't natural. We need some more wholesome jokes.

Sensitivity · 10 days

...or buy something from the vending machine.

What? Why is this better than the Big Mac?

MineChris395 · 10 days

You should carve out all the leaves around him, leaving him stranded in the air.

jojojok · 10 days

Ctrl+Shift+T to reopen the last closed tab.

elgevillawngnome · 11 days

Then why can't you pick up ferrous objects bigger than a staple?

Technonorm · 15 days

Are you trying to buy a copy of Minecraft, or are you trying to buy the business?

SirUtnut

TROPHY CASE

SirUtnut

TROPHY CASE

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