Who is your favorite comedian and what is your favorite joke by them?

Jessibabe333 · 12 days

"Why... Why... Why is it that most of the people that are against abortion are people you wouldn't wanna fuck in the first place?"

Jessibabe333 · 12 days

Maid Marion, cup of tea?

....Am I being too forward?

Jessibabe333 · 12 days

THUNK

FryLord1336 · 22 days

Kind of both, I think. But I feel like there are better ways of telling a person they need to look more professional than saying they need to wear more makeup.

FryLord1336 · 22 days

A few years ago, I got promoted to a retail management position, which meant I was going to transfer to a different store for a "fresh start."

The man who was my boss at my old store pulled me aside and told me I would need to wear more makeup.

My brother had died a few months beforehand, and I was slacking on makeup because I was still experiencing random crying fits.

TomPrince · 1 month

INCONCEIVABLE!

feloniousskunk · 1 month

Um, yes, hello, I have come for your soul. See you shortly.

thebigweirdwigbeard · 1 month

Congrats to both of you!!!

TheAustinGuy · 1 month

I take it this means she didn't pay for the shelves? Or apologize? Or give you any subtle cue that she knew she and her child were in the wrong?

grant0 · 1 month

At what point would a parent stop thinking of this as "just a phase?"

fooXeh · 1 month

So if I'm reading this correctly, half of that frog's abdomen is a toxin gland?

Edit: Very convincing, indeed!

Unicyclesclearlywin · 1 month

Please tell me they're really heavy (love a heavy pen) and that they write really well too. I may just have myself a pengasm.

Silent3sniper · 1 month

I can't stop watching it. That kitten knows what it wants.

anonymus01 · 1 month

I always know I'm gonna have a good day at work when I have to clean stuff like this up. All rules go out the window in public restrooms. This is why I'm for adding cameras. Just to catch the fuckheads.

hannahjoy33 · 1 month

One of my college professors said this to our class, and it's stuck with me for years:

Own your own bullshit.

Codeworks · 1 month

This is one of those posts that actually doesn't make me wish this had happened to me. Or that I was even in the room.

Flash_Mob_Fisting · 1 month

STOP

EATING

MY

SESAME

CAKE.

Icaninternets · 1 month

Same here. What's your excuse? I just never go outside.

QwertyAzertyFlerty · 1 month

I wonder how different things would be if people cared more about voting. Like, if somehow, every single registered voter actually came to the polls on election day, and not just people who have been rallied by hate and fear.

Cough. Prop 8. Cough cough.

mrbubby · 1 month

Bookstore worker here, in a very conservative area.

I just wanted to thank you for your book. I had so many awkward conversations with customers who came in and didn't know how to ask for it. Handing it over to them felt very secret-clubbish. How does this make you feel?

Also, to the 12 year old boy who "prank called" our store: Yes, I could tell you were 12. Yes, I knew you were just really excited to say the word "shit" over the phone.

emayms · 1 month

What is this from? I kind of love it. Apologies if this is something any normal internetter would recognize.

7didnteat9 · 1 month

This might be due to me being tired because I just woke up, but I assure you, you're not the only one.

"Fating? Is that some new reddit thing I missed?"

ShutUpHayley · 1 month

Yep. That's about right.

johkonut · 1 month

Go ahead. Take another crack at our udders.

jaredzmind · 1 month

I've found that when I need to make myself sleep, it helps for me to try to clear my mind. I focus on my breathing. I count the seconds while breathing in, and seconds breathing out. If all I'm focusing on is taking deep, slow breaths, it usually knocks me out. Usually.

MyEvilDucky

TROPHY CASE

MyEvilDucky

TROPHY CASE

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