I took a philosophy class, (gay!!!), and spent the next year arguing with myself over all the principals of life. Eventually it just seemed to me childish and shallow to take my own life. Kind of the easy way out you know. So I decided I would try to make things better. I started trying to help people as much as I could, the less I know them the better. I don't know why but when somebody I've never met musters up the energy to give me a smile and a thanks for holding the door or any other small thing it make me feel better about myself. And even when they don't acknowledge me I still feel better. I don't know. I've come to the conclusion that the way to become truly fulfilled is to make the people around you happy. Not for them but for your own sake. To gain pleasure from giving pleasure.