[SEND] The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan [WANT] Game of Thrones by Martin, or Peter and Wendy by J. M. Barrie???

fosterwallacejr · 1 month

I don't suppose Eye of the World is a hardcover? =)

mistahmojo · 1 month

How about something that means something to you? Something she can be proud of? Something she can choose to be called instead since she will probably not like having an old lady name? =)

Signed, a guy whose middle name is Leslie.

Fac183 · 1 month

Anyone paying the full cover price for pretty much any book these days is either stupid or has money to burn, simple as that. And does anyone consider Barnes & Noble to be a "local business"?

There are things I will almost never buy online, things that I absolutely must have tried out personally and which can vary from item to item: clothes, guitars, etc. The only reason I ever buy media, electronics, etc. in a physical store is if a) I want it right away, b) cost with shipping is more than it is in a store, or most often c) I want the option to return it with no hassles if I decide I don't want it.

Amazon and other online stores have a major advantage in both price and convenience.

The one market they are totally failing to corner is the used books market. Though they have the benefit of selection, prices with shipping are almost always significantly more than what I will pay at my local used bookstore.

linuxmofo · 1 month

Of course you're absolutely right. =) People of any gender who expect their significant other to essentially become their parent or maid or what have you really need to grow up and stop being accommodated, and allowed to suffer the consequences of their actions so they can grow up.

momomuff · 1 month

July, because not only is it beautiful out but that's when my son was born, who will also get a chance to read The Hunger Games one day when he is able. =)

linuxmofo · 1 month

Awesome that it worked out for you!

Just a word of warning, you have to really know and trust your wife to do this, and you have to keep an eye on it. My dad did a similar thing because my mom would overspend and so he gave her the responsibility of handling the money, and pretty much just washed his hands of the whole thing. The result was that she kept putting them further and further into debt because it was now much easier to hide her spending habits. So rather than learn how to spend responsibly, she just completely screwed them for life. He's 67 now and will continue to work for the foreseeable future because he didn't bother to work together with her and teach her how to be responsible.

Luckily I learned from his mistakes, and have a wife who is nothing like her in that regard, but more often I think kids tend to mimic their parents patterns and make the same mistakes.

linuxmofo · 1 month

Because it adds to the idea of separateness that so many married people cling to even after marrying. When you get married, you have just entered into a [hopefully] life-long commitment to each other. You are to put your spouse's wants and needs above your own (or at least on the same level). You can't just get married and expect life to be the same as it was when you were single, but people do that and then marriage doesn't work out.. big surprise!

Also the process of working together on finances, if both people are responsible adults and not still acting like little kids with a shiny quarter they can't wait to spend, is just one more way that a couple learns to communicate and compromise for the greater good of the family, which is a vital skill for everything in marriage. Every part of your marriage that you try to keep separate is further dooming the marriage because you're clinging to your singleness.

This is not to say that people should stop being individuals, or that they can't have their own hobbies, tastes, personalities, etc., but in a good marriage these two different people complement each other in a way that the combination is much stronger than the sum of the separate parts. You both learn from each other and serve as a mirror for each other's inadequacies so you can grow as people. You can't do that if you're trying to preserve your individual identity and not embrace all the benefits of marriage.

linuxmofo · 1 month

It's good that she is willing to work with you and within the necessary limits. That says a lot about her. An allowance such as this can be a good start, but if she is responsible enough to take care of your children, she's certainly responsible enough to make educated decisions about her spending and work together with you to live within your means. To be honest it sounds like this allowance is simply the only way she knows how to be sure she's not overspending, but there are better ways, ways which allow her to be equally responsible and make intelligent decisions when need be.

It's a great thing to trust your wife enough with the check card and know that if she spends money on something, it's pretty likely that if she had asked, you would have said it's fine.

linuxmofo · 1 month

I disagree, on two different but important levels.

Everyone likes and wants frivolous things once in a while. Of course most Americans buy these in excess and get into debt for no good reason, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a new shirt or book or game sometimes. If the husband happens to do all the work, this does not suddenly make the wife less of a human being. Marriage is about relationship, compromise, two becoming one and all that. Part of supporting someone financially is not just making sure they get the minimum amount of food and shelter to stay alive. It becomes your responsibility also to share equally not only in the bills but also in the niceties. I am happy to buy my wife new clothes once in a while because I like to make her happy and she doesn't constantly nag me for such things. I'll even buy her a new pair of pants instead of buying something for myself, because I love her. And yeah, I bought myself Call of Duty last month and had to admit that doing so put us in a tight spot for the rest of the month. So just because I earn the money doesn't mean I don't have to be just as responsible for how its spent, and it also doesn't mean that I should be the only one who gets to enjoy spending it.

On a second and equally important topic, I have a child, the OP has three. In both situations our wives are stay-at-home moms. I can tell you that even though I make a very good living, her job is much harder and much more important. She works non-stop from the literal moment she wakes up until about 8pm when our son is in bed, dinner is eaten, and the kitchen is clean. I do some of that too, of course, but my 8 hours at the office are a breeze compared to the weekends when I'm home with a toddler. So yeah, I make money and she doesn't, but she works a hell of a lot and deserves a hell of a lot if I can provide it. She also saves us a ton of money by cooking all our meals rather than us always going out to eat, and raising our child instead of paying someone else to do it. And let's not ignore the fact that my kid growing up with a loving mother teaching and playing and caring for him every day is priceless compared to having some stranger do it while trying to take care of 5-10 other kids as well for most of the day. Multiply the work and the value by 3 for the OP. Still want to say that our wives don't earn the right to at least as many fun things as we do, if not twice as much or more?

Yes, there are wives who are shopaholics and lazy bums and gold diggers; people who simply don't want to pull their weight and expect someone else to take care of them. In those situations, I agree with you. But real adults in a real marriage work together to make life happen, and deserve to be treated equally as a result, no matter whose name is actually on the paycheck.

linuxmofo · 1 month

Yeah I don't use the quicken budgeting, which is why I have to do it all in Excel. The only part of this process I use quicken for really is that I do categorize all my transactions, and I created a custom report that shows my total spending for the month, excluding those categories I use for things like bills and other known expenses that aren't part of my budget. This makes it very easy to update my spreadsheet with my total spending. I just go to that report, get the number, and plug it into the right cell. I do this many times a week, and typically balance our accounts every morning and let my wife know how we're doing.

Oh one thing I didn't mention. I do have a remaining spending amount for the month, but I also take that, divide by the number of days left in the month, and multiply by 7 right before we go grocery shopping for the week. We generally spend about the same amount every week on groceries but it tells us if we have to cut back, and also lets us know how much breathing room we have for the rest of the week after we've bought groceries. We might have $400 left for the month but only $10 left for the week, in which case we are both very careful to try and not spend any money unless it's absolutely necessary.

We're currently on our 6th month with this budget method and some months are better than others, but we're getting the hang of it.

Whatever method you use, transparency with her is the key. I agree that an "allowance" is not a great idea if you can help it; if she's a responsible person she should have no problem keeping up-to-date with what you've got available. My wife calls me to ask before buying a lot of things besides groceries, or occasionally will tell me ahead of time that she had to pick up a few extra food items from Target or something. I don't ask her to do this but it's nice because we are two people working from one bank account so there is no such thing as too much communication.

As for the bit about looking at extra cash, I am reminded of a couple friends who used to check their ATM balance to see if they had any money left to spend, and if there was anything in there, they'd take some out, usually saying "sweet I didn't know I had that much left!" and then complain the next week that they overdrafted after some check or charge finally processed. Budgeting is basically the same thing on a grander scale. Yes the money is in there but when that bill comes due, it's due regardless of if you spent the money already or not, so you have to make sure you're ready for those bills.

I do use quicken to track all my bills. Every time I get paid I pay every bill between now and the next paycheck (which works since I keep a buffer and not living check to check). Before that I used to just take a calendar and write all my bills on there, which you could do in your google calendar much easier, just make them recurring appointments and check them every time you get paid.

linuxmofo · 1 month

She needs to know everything about your finances, as far as she can understand/tolerate. There's no reason she can't be fully aware of what's going on. Here's what has worked for me:

I take my bi-weekly paycheck amount and multiply by 26. This is my actual yearly income.

Then I add up every bill I know I will have to pay in a whole year, from monthly things like cell phone and an average utility cost to things like car and life insurance which I only pay once or twice a year.

Subtract the yearly bills from the yearly income, divide by 12, and now you have your actual monthly spending limit. I tell her what the budget is and keep track of every expense in Quicken, and subtract from the budget. We roll over the remainder (or overage) to the next month. I keep my wife well informed of how we're doing.

Now, I do a lot more detailed analysis because I'm that kind of guy. I keep a running average of the last 3 months' worth of gas purchases and adjust my monthly budget accordingly so I never feel like I can't get gas. My utilities are actually averaged out for the last year as well since they fluctuate heavily by season. Stuff like that.

In any case, the main thing about this method is that you never look at your bank account and say "hey look we have $500 available to go buy something nice!" because that $500 may be in there because it's going to get spent on an insurance bill next month. You look only at your rolling available spending money.

In any case, this is just one way to do it, but it's how my wife and I keep track of our spending and know that we are consistently spending less than I make. It also helps that she agrees and cooperates with me on this and isn't just a shopaholic. Of course it also means that I can't get mad at her about buying something frivolous if I run right out and do the same thing. Double standards will never work.

dzneill · 1 month

IN TALKS to play...

Big difference.

Come on people.

davincih · 1 month

Says the guy who translated

Ben Kingsley In Talks to Join Sci-Fi Thriller 'Ender's Game'

to

Ben Kingsley to play Mazer Rackham in Ender's Game movie.

innermargin · 2 months

This is exactly how my wife got me off the fence about it. Too many morons with crazy baggage breed too many more morons with crazy baggage; the least I can do is try to add one or two well-adjusted, kind, intelligent people to the population.

Of course, once I actually had my son, he brightens my day like you would simply not believe, and I have become a far better person in the 16 months he has been alive. Being a parent is a serious opportunity to grow as a human being, if you choose to live up to the challenge.

GunnerMcGrath · 2 months

Just for the record, there is a huge difference between "love" and "infatuation". Love largely concerns meeting the other person's needs, while infatuation (and lust) largely concern meeting YOUR needs. When you "fall in love" at the drop of a hat like that, it's actually your insecurity telling you that maybe this is a person who will make you feel better about yourself. It has nothing to do with your interest or concern with that woman at all, and is therefore not love.

margaritamike · 2 months

Because while people who have lived for a long time feeling like they have no hope of ever getting a date are in desperate need of some camaraderie, people who have figured out that dating is not all that difficult (or people who have never had any trouble with it) don't spend a whole lot of time talking about it. And the ones that do are usually the ones who are still very insecure about themselves.

Disclosure: I have been all 3 at one time or another.

skarface6 · 2 months

Just for the record, do we all agree that the wheel of time covers are largely terribly bad? They get especially worse as they go along. They are the most boring fantasy covers I have ever seen, and are not particularly well painted either. Interestingly, many of the ones displayed on this blog post are far better than any WoT cover.

Of course it's never nice to hear that someone has died, just saying.

aussiekinga · 2 months

I had difficulty answering many of the questions. Many of the theological issues addressed cannot easily be summed up with one answer among three. In many cases I would say "I think this is most likely" and more I would say "I don't know." Also the aforementioned problem with the "homosexuality" question which implies that one's orientation is a choice, and also simply saying i strongly or disagree that abortion can never be justified.. that's either a yes or no question. I strongly disagree that it can never be justified but I also strongly agree that such cases are very rare.

In any case, I'd say only about half my answers truly represent my beliefs, the rest did not offer the appropriate options.

BraveSaintStuart · 2 months

hehe yeah break those babies out again now. I was about 19 or 20 I think and had a fair bit of experience with ska by the time I heard the supertones.

BraveSaintStuart · 2 months

Oh gosh, it's the first one that is the worst, possibly the worst CD I've ever heard. The second was much better but still not very good. But hey, that's just my opinion.

rezyn · 2 months

That's weird, because I fostered feral kittens and they meowed their heads off the first night we had them. I've got a video of it around youtube somewhere...

BraveSaintStuart · 2 months

Yeah I just remember being really excited reading the lyrics to the Supertones CD when I bought it, and then playing it and being like WTF IS THIS?! It was SO incredibly bad, like the high school bands who were playing their first shows were better than them on every level, and they were just as bad live (they unfortunately played with MxPx and Ghoti Hook).

Now you want good Christian bands who never got their due? Check out later Hangnail and Dogwood albums. Transparent and Building a Better Me are masterpieces, in my opinion.

BraveSaintStuart · 2 months

Great article. I just wish Five Iron wasn't simply the best of all the incredibly mediocre Christian ska bands, and was actually someone I could enjoy on the same level as The Mighty Mighty Bosstones or Slapstick. Then again, considering how ear-splittingly painful the Supertones were and were still able to headline big tours, I've never had much respect for the musical taste of 15 year old Christians. It was brutal being part of that scene and seeing kids go nuts for ANYTHING labeled "Christian" no matter what it sounded like. Some of our best merch sales were done at church shows where half the audience didn't even watch us play.

bo_knows · 2 months

Dave Ramsey suggests waiting on college funds until well after you've paid off all non-mortgage debt and accumulated a good savings.

http://www.daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps/

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