I can honestly say that I know exactly where you are coming from. I am 21 years old and I have a 1 year old daughter. I had unprotected sex with an ex (drunken hookup), she told me she would get the morning after pill and never did. So of course I get the text on my birthday that she was pregnant and that she was VERY anti-abortion and then stopped talking to me. At that time I was 20, didn't have a job and was going to school. I absolutely freaked. Started to binge drink, picked up smoking, and my biggest mistake is I told no one. I didnt tell my parents till 2 months before the pregnancy (found out through a text from my ex's mom). I wanted nothing to do with the baby. I let my anger for my ex get in the way of a perfectly innocent child, which is the reason that I missed Lily's (my daughter) birth. Three days after she was born my mom wanted to go see Lily. She begged me to go with her and just have an open mind and if I felt no connection then we would go see a lawyer. I cried man. I broke down. I knew as soon as she looked at me that I would do everything I could to be the best father. So I dropped out of school, moved back to my home town and started being a dad. I'm not with my ex cause well she is still crazy but that doesn't get in the way of me being a dad. All I'm saying is before you make any big decisions like not wanting anything to do with your son/daughter, just give it one chance. I'm so glad I did and I couldn't be happier.