My wife, apparently, no longer wants to have sex with me...because it hurts. She also doesn't want me to masturbate.

saraoflaherty · 3 months

FYI, it's medically impossible for YOU to twist her fallopian tube. This is something that happens on it's own. Either the doctor didn't explain it to her properly, or she flat out lied to you. IMPOSSIBLE for you to have done this.

jellatin · 3 months

There is a laundry list of issues going on here, I'll see if I can separate out what I see.

The first thing (your size issue) seems relatively minor. As you said before, she used to be able to handle it just fine so it's highly likely that it is still possible. Have her get checked out by her gynecologist and make sure everything's on the up & up. Use plenty of lube, take things slow and ramp up from there. If nothing else you guys can think of other things to enjoy in the mean time such as mutual masturbation, oral, handjobs, etc.

She is a self described "feminist" who feels that sex demeans women in a way.

This is a total crock of shit. Sex-negative feminists were a small part of the Second-wave feminist movement and they splintered the movement in many ways by focusing on some minute bullshit. It is in no way representative of the movement as a whole. Fortunately this gave rise to a much more diverse Third-wave feminist movement.

If she's really using being a "feminist" as an argument for not having sex tell her to read anything about the Divine Female (or female divinity). I also recommend watching (and having her watch) a TED talk/video posted in sexxit a few weeks ago. The speaker here is a woman who I would consider a great feminist but talks about how much she loves being tied up and enjoying rough sex and how that is in no way counter to her strong feminist ideals.

As for her being upset about your masturbation habits, she is not in control of them, it is your business. It might be different if you were neglecting her in favor of masturbating. On your end, you should not have agreed to not look at porn anymore, because that was setting everyone up for failure.

To me it sounds like she is trying to maneuver herself into a position where she has all the power, which isn't what a relationship (much less a marriage) is all about.

As far as advice, I would:

Tell her your masturbation habits are your own, and if she isn't willing to participate in sex, she has lost all her voice in your sexual gratification and identity
Ask her if she's willing to visit a doctor and try some new things such as lube or varying types of foreplay to get warmed up
Have her read something about actual feminism and watch that video. Porn stars and women who can bravely admit that they enjoy sex and go after the type of sex they want are doing far more for the cause than her guilt-tripping bullshit.

HeatDeathIsCool · 3 months

While I love that she's a strong woman

Judging from her anger issues, views about sex, and the way she tries to control you it's very clear that she's the exact opposite. She's a very self-conscious woman and she's found someone who is willing to cater to her insecurities.

ThisIsAsinine · 3 months

First, I'd like to start this off by telling you that I am myself a feminist. Having said that, I hope you'll understand that there is nothing within feminism that justifies your wife's behavior.

OP, you are in an abusive relationship. What this woman is doing is browbeating and belittling you to the point that your daily functions are being restricted and you are being isolated from your own family. These are classic tactics of abusers.

I truly think that you should seek some counseling for yourself. You need some kind of support because the fact of the matter is that this woman is abusive and you should not have to be making so many sacrifices just to keep the peace. That is not a partnership, that is slavery.

Here, I think you should have a look at this: http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/male-victim-abuse.html

Hoping for the best for you.

Kofetek · 3 months

So basically she wants you to give up everything and give nothing in return. She wants you to obide by her rules like a little boy.

Does that sound like love to you? Cause I'm finding it a little dodgy.

And as was said, your computer, your mastrubation, your buisness. End of story.

Suburban_Shaman · 3 months

Predominately rational female here. When I first started reading your post I couldn't help but empathize with your wife physically. I have been in a similar situation with size issues and I know it can cause some pretty nasty effects. I admit I was also a little more afraid of sex after each time something crazy would happen (puking in the after-throws of orgasm is probably the worst thing ever).

That's about where my empathy ended and the recognition of abuse in numerous forms of power, control and bat-shit crazy she is throwing on you began.

I know people here normally say run but..... run. Genders reversed I was in a similar relationship earlier in my life. It started out somewhat similar to this and things only got horribly horribly horribly worse from there. She is trying to control you on a level no woman should have any right to and I assure you- this is just the beginning.

With my current partner (years of reflection, growth, and healing later) despite the pain I didn't stop wanting sex. Certainly I would never tell him to stop masturbating (actually the opposite, even if you are a little nervous or whatever because of prior pain you shouldn't want your partner to be deprived). It just meant we had to talk about it, go slower, be more (or less) creative with our positions, etc.

She should want to have sex with you. I mean, she doesn't have to all the time, but unless she's become asexual or has some other issue (which it seems she has about as many as most people have thoughts) it shouldn't be a no sex, no gratification, everything is about me ultimatum.

Ultimatiums are bad and not part of a healthy communication style

Also, did she know you played video games and were the person you were before you got married? Why does she expect you to change for her while not at the same time expecting herself to change for you? These are not bad things. It's not like you're out in alleyways banging male hookers or spending the mortgage's on strippers (things I could see easily annoying any woman- not a complete list). You are being a normal human being doing normal things that are generally considered enjoyable by a decent chunk of the global population. You shouldn't be made to feel bad for not wanting to do everything she does at the time she does it. That's just not healthy.

I guess, consider this a heads up - I know what you feel like. I know how easy it is to go along with them and agree. I know how easy it is to start believing it and blaming yourself. I know how quickly it can escalate. Then you become a shell of yourself. You don't have anyone you feel you can talk to or will believe you. There is nothing but them. Your life becomes engulfed in fear. Afraid of what they might think, afraid of what they might say, afraid of how you might let them down and the fear ultimately of what they will do. Soon after you will live your life around them, for them, attempting to avoid the pain in every way possible.

I am terrified of how strong I thought I was when the reality was I was nothing if not weakness

If your counselor tried to warn you, you really should listen. Their job is to be unbiased as best as possible. Let the internet help sway you to that side.

sexyfuntimes · 3 months

In the resolution I promised to not look/jerk off to porn anymore.

Why agree to something that you can't follow through on? Sounds like she bullied you into it, and you submitted to keep the peace. Don't do that, you need to stand your ground somewhere. You're a guy, you need sexual release.

thedeadtexan · 3 months

Thank you all for all your comments. I have to go now. I will try to answer anyone else who has questions tomorrow morning when I can. I do really appreciate all of the suggestions.

And if the thread dies...thanks again.

ssnakeggirl · 3 months

Your wife is full of shit. She is giving you a big bag of excuses, but what is really going on is that she does not like sex. Maybe she doesn't like sex with you, maybe she doesn't like sex at all, maybe she likes sex but would rather control you than have it. Who knows.

When you have sexual pain, you fix it. You talk to doctors, you figure out what activities don't hurt, you talk to your partner, you go slow. You don't say "your dick is too big, it's your fault!" If your dick was fine when you were dating then it's still fine now. I'm not saying that pain problems can't come and go, but if there is legitimate pain here (and I'm not sure there is) then your wife is not doing anything to address it. She's guilt tripping you.

Her claims to "feminism?" Also an excuse. Sex should be a recreational or bonding activity - not demeaning to anyone.

She can get angry at anything, at the drop of a hat. For example, she hates everything with equal passion... So when we try to talk about stuff and it reaches something where she isn't comfortable or she doesn't agree with she will completely flip out.

This is textbook emotional abuse. Want to talk to her? She shuts you down by flipping out. She doesn't like something? IT IS EVIL. Her therapist didn't support her controlling behavior? Quit going and refuses to talk about it.

You cannot have a relationship when only one person is committed to making it work. Your wife has shown that she is not committed to fixing this (if she were then she would be in therapy).

Your wife reminds me of my mom. My mom is a good person, and I love her - but she also has a lot of mental problems which have caused her to be abusive to me and my dad. I understand why he divorced her, I just wish that he could take me with him. Not because I don't love her - I do love her!. But that doesn't mean that living with her was healthy for me.

mollylolly88 · 3 months

D I V O R C E

deit9000 · 3 months

Borderline personality disorder. Read up on it. You will never win this one

NYGalz · 3 months

How in the world did her fallopian tubes get twisted during sex?

edenstar · 3 months

Her claims that sex is degrading towards women and that vibrators are insulting are absolutely ludicrous (Denying you sexual pleasure and porn, despite knowing it's virtually impossible for you to masturbate without it, is much more degrading than your sexual relationship).

What I really wanted to talk to you about is her pain during sex. You might want to get her checked out (read: you NEED to get her checked out). And have THE DOCTOR tell you what's wrong. Vaginas are one of the most durable surfaces on the female body, they can take quite the beating. Take it from me, I have one. I've heard of Fallopian tubes getting twisted, but it's extremely rare and almost exclusively caused by Ovarian cysts. Honestly, if you're sure she's not lying about anything, it sounds like she has a cyst that's causing her sexual discomfort (if this is true, it should be tested for malignancy and definitely removed) and may be the cause of sexual disinterest. It's pretty suspicious to me that all this seemed to arise as soon as you got married, but you two need to get it checked before you deem her crazy.

Pyrofusion · 3 months

I have sex with my wife about once every 2 weeks, at most. She has pain too, due to a tilted uterus, nothing like what you listed has happened as far as I'm aware, but she has no interest in sex.

She told me I can masturbate, but I can't use porn. Like you said, I admitted the same thing.

I've tried to fix it, I've tried to mend it, I've tried to talk, communicate, everything. Nothing changes it.

Now I've built a resentment towards sex, towards her, and if she comes on to me, I don't want it. I'm almost "disgusted" at the fact that she feels she can get it when she wants it but I can't have it at all unless she wants it? It's almost like she's treating her body like a piece of pie, I can only have it if it's offered to me.

It's frustrating and I can't give you any advice, but I can tell you what I"m doing and it's wrong. It's wrong in a lot of ways.

I watch porn. On my phone, or kindle fire, in the bathroom, with the door locked. I did this DAILY, sometimes TWICE a day, or more. For quite some time, but now that I've built this strong resentment towards sex, I have no sexual desire. No drive. So I haven't masturbated in a couple weeks, nor had sex. It's a frustrating situation to be in, and I just want you to know, you're not alone.

I wish there was more I could say. I finally got her to promise that she would watch porn with me, but it was a bribe. She wanted to "buy" something and so I said "Only if..." etc. She said "Okay sure." but I know for certain if she found me watching porn, or I suggested it or just tried to surprise her with it, all hell would break loose.

Good luck, man. You'll need it. If you find a solution, please, share.

shogun333 · 3 months

Wow! First from what you have described it sounds like you are in a really horrible controlling relationship.

The damage caused by your huge cock is all exaggerated and made up. Your wife is a pathological liar. She is clearly just not into you enough to want to have sex with you/has some kind of dumb headcase issues around sex. I mean "twisting her fellopian tubes" that sounds very made up!

I think you really need to grow a pair and not let your woman walk all over you. I mean who gives a shit even if you are married. Nobody should be given enough control over you that they get to decide when you're allowed to "spank the monkey".

To be honest, you married a dud and you should get a replacement. This woman has headcase issues, if you stay with her she will make make your entire life miserable. (In the context of your whole life 9 years is not alot of time)

Oh yea, also, she's not a "strong woman" she's a bitch.

Why would you appologise for getting her a vibrator? You should demand a thank-you! Banging only in positions where you can see each other's faces, that's not feminism, that's your wife's headcase issues.

I have no doubt that your friends know that she's a controlling bitch and they are either not good enough friends of yours to tell you, or they in fact did tell you they thought she's a bitch and you're in too much denial to listen to them. If you're not going to leave her at least learn to be a man and stand up for yourself.

Congzilla · 3 months

Sorry to hear that, good luck with your divorce.

finewinereview · 3 months

TIL the term "Sanduskied"

SKZSKZ2 · 3 months

She is a self described "feminist" who feels that sex demeans women in a way

She's NOT a feminist. Feminism is simply the name given to equality between men and women. It is appalling that we have a need for such a thing in this day and age - but while we do, that's what we call it. I hope the term (and why it is needed) will soon be part of history. Women really should have no need to fight for their basic human rights.

Being equal also means not controlling other people. Demanding that your partner does not masturbate is unfair and controlling, regardless of whether you are having sex or not. Especially if the other party is masturbating and sex is rare.

Sorry, I can't give much advice here except to say that from what you have written, there is a lot more going on than you have been told (or are telling us).

This is NOT about sex as far as I can see. It goes way deeper than that.

This is no longer allowed.

This should be no longer allowed. Reverse the genders of all parties and read what you wrote again. How does it sound now?

Yup. Somebody is getting treated pretty bad here.

I would urge you to see a counsellor as soon as you can. On your own.

justexspearminting · 3 months

Just get a second job in the porno business... she'll never know since she obviously doesn't like to watch it.. you get to destroy vaginas and get paid for it!

don't thank me; all in a days work on reddit...

GrumpyRobot · 3 months

There are a lot of others covering the other issues well, but I want to point out that sex-related injury can definitely create a sexual problem for a woman, particularly with the guy she was with when the injury occurred. If she's frightened to engulf your love sausage, three things are likely to happen:

She's going to have less lubrication,
She's going to be tighter, and
Her internal sex parts will not move into a fully-receptive arrangement (normally, uterus ascends and vagina elongates).

Any one of those things increases discomfort during sex and increases the chances of injury or pain. As a result, some of her issues are likely to be real, physical problems (caused by the psychological trauma of previous sex injuries) and not just her being awful to you.

technovideoarcade · 3 months

I don't know you, but I want to befriend you now and invite you over to play video games with me and eat pizza and drink unhealthy liquid beverages.

I've read your replies and your post, and I feel really bad for you. It's hard loving someone and not feeling appreciated back. I don't want to tell you to end things, but I also don't want to tell you to try to work it out.

If your wife isn't willing to talk or listen, I really have no idea what to recommend, but I do know that that is not how a person who loves someone treats that person.

:( I hope the best for you man, I really do. I wish I had some advice, but I don't. Just know, some random stranger on the internet sends you his support.

FredTheBarber · 3 months

If the gender roles were reversed for a lot of her "rules", we'd be pretty quick to suspect abuse. What she's demanding of you isn't fair by a long shot, and she needs to know this.

And as another poster said, your masturbation is your business, not hers. Unless you're looking at something of questionable legality you have nothing to be ashamed of and you don't have to answer to her.

I can't help but be reminded of a friend of mine (recently divorced from his wife). His now ex-wife would pull very similar power moves, have anger issues, and alway place herself in the victim role and my friend in the role of wrong-doer. It was very frustrating to watch.

mysexytimeacct · 3 months

Let me start by saying that no person, married or not, should have control over your masturbatory habits. This, in itself, is unacceptable behavior. Sexual urges are perfectly natural and using material to help you reach orgasm is healthy in moderation.

Sex worked before you two got married, so it should work now. Sex is not demeaning to women but can be an empowering, loving experience. This has nothing to do with whether or not she is a strong woman. It sounds like she is using feminism is an convenient excuse to not have sex.

In terms of in the bedroom, if and when you do have sex, make sure she's as comfortable as can be. Make sure there is plenty of foreplay and lube when you begin to penetrate her. Warm her body up to take your penis comfortably. She had some pretty traumatic experiences from what it sounds like, so you have to go slow and stop at the first sign of pain.

In terms of her attitude, she needs to meet you with a higher level of maturity. She looked through your browsing history, which, if it was on a personal computer is not cool. She then used the information that she searched out against you. She also needs to learn that she is not some object in your sexual endeavors. She is not just a bystander but can speak up if something isn't feeling good or she's in pain. If she feels so strongly about feminism, she should be standing up for herself if something hurts during sex.

What you two need to do is improve communication. Sit down with her and talk about these issues. Do not threaten, pressure, or blame her for anything that has gone wrong with sex. Ask her to show you the same respect. Express how you feel and try to find a middle ground where you two can be happy.

AndyChrist · 3 months

Not being snide. I read all the comments. I really think you need to man up and grab your sack. Controlling behavior does not equal feminism. She didn't take control, you gave it to her. You are entitled to your happiness. You've asked her to get out of your way. Now, tell her to get out of your way. Pouting and yelling are control mechanisms. Don't react to them. Man up.

poitsplace · 3 months

I had no answer for this other than that top divorce comment. Then as I was making dinner I joked sort of to myself, "Bitch obviously went off her meds". But then I realized...that's one of the only things that would cause such a drastic change. Perhaps you should inquire.

leniadi · 3 months

This is going to get buried, but can we for a second imagine the gender roles reversed here? Imagine a man telling his wife that she can not watch porn, masturbate, then decides which positions they're allowed to have sex in, and how often. To top it off, all of these relationship decisions are also based on his anger issues. r/twoxchromosomes would lose their shit if they saw that... And my point is that it's wrong no matter which gender it is doing the controlling! Her anger is scaring you into submission, you're going to start resenting her for not taking care of your needs or even letting you take care of your needs. You've made the cardinal sin of sticking your dick in crazy. And then marrying it. Good luck and god speed, I hope she's worth it.
Edit: My advice is keep jerking off to porn, tell her that with your amazing powers of imagination you're placing her face on all the porn stars faces or something. Sexual release is something every human deserves and she shouldn't force you to re-live trauma by going without porn. If she really loved you, she would want you to be happy and fulfilled with your sex life and if she can't do that with blowjobs or hand jobs while her vajayjay is out of commission then she needs to make that sacrifice and put up with the porn, even if she doesn't like it. It's only temporary. Don't promise to stop, say you'll do your best to stop so when she catches you at it you can say your best just isn't very good.

MKaliner · 3 months

Dude your wife sounds like a fucking bitch.

BruceCambridge · 3 months

When we were dating she loved sex and actually wanted to have more of it than what I felt like. However, from the day we were married something apparently changed.

Haha sucker! Something changed? Something? Hmmmmm..... Wonder what that could be! Couldn't be that she's got you trapped and no longer feels like she needs to give it up to hold on to you, could it?

Hate to break it to you, dude, but this ain't gonna change. Despite your belief that she wanted more sex than you while dating, it was never that way. Your wife has never enjoyed or wanted sex. She just did it for fear of losing you. Now that she's got a legally binding contract with you, she doesn't have that fear anymore.

On an unrelated topic, how much money do you make?

BruceCambridge · 3 months

Seriously, talk to a divorce lawyer. Not necessarily because you want a divorce, but because you need to understand, legally, what situation you're in and what situation you'll be in after 3 years or 8 years or 15 years.

Right now, you could likely get out of this marriage and face very little financial strain. Give it 9 years and have a couple kids and you could be cutting a check to this psycho feminist for the rest of your life. You can make whatever decision you want to make with that information, but you should base your decision based upon facts about the law, not based upon what you think.

darkscream · 3 months

She won't fuck you and you can't masturbate?

Does she understand the only conclusion to this involves you being unhappy, or you cheating on her?

lifeaftersex · 3 months

Does she know of your childhood trauma? Not satisfying your needs and asking you not to look at porn is dubious at best, but forcing you to choose between reliving a bad experience or being functionally celibate is monstrous.

chonnes · 3 months

You relationship has turned into a power-play. Whether it is between the spouses or between the spouses and another 3rd party, there is always a sexual relationship in marriage. She is in essence forcing you to be secretive which is the beginning of the end of a relationship. Actually, the beginning of the end was when she lost her trust in you and started her computer forensics. While it is possible that the root of your issue is her anatomy and pain, I seriously doubt fixing this would fix your relationship.

This may sound crazy at first, but is it possible she's actually cheating on you? The hallmarks of a cheating spouse are here: prior great sex with zero issues even though you still have the same penis; dramatic stories of vaginal damage; no sex (for whatever reason); lack of trust in you; controlling your own masturbation (!); shame associated with sex and sex toys . . .

Tyashi · 3 months

holy crap your wife is a cunt. Ask yourself this, if you met a woman on the street, and she told you if you married her this is what your life would be like, would you ever even consider her as potential marriage material?! FUCK NO! I know you love her, or at least you think you do, but she obviously doesn't love you if your happiness are secondary to her propriety.

Other fish in the sea, she either needs to relent and come off her high horse or you need to bail before it's ten years down the road and you are regretting staying with a woman who you resent for decapitating your sexual identity.

Walletau · 3 months

Jesus christ dude. I'm so sorry. No offense but sometimes you have to man up, and tell her that your body and what you do in your time is your business. This snooping business with the internet is bullshit as well. You shouldn't have to worry about her snooping through your browser history. I have no idea how you lost that argument because such an infringement of privacy should be an instant deal breaker. SHE should be begging YOU to forgive her. You've allowed yourself to become a doormat and that's now part of her mind set, either change that QUICK or get ready to have a really shitty/abusive relationship for the rest of your life.

penguin_sweater · 3 months

As a woman, I don't think there is anything demeaning about good sex.

If you only do missionary, but you love it that way then it's not demeaning. But on the other hand, if you like being strapped to an ironing board with barbed wire while five guys cum and urinate on you, and another one slaps you in the face with a giant, rotten trout, then that's fine too.

It's only demeaning if you hate it, but if you like it the who the hell cares?

scramples · 3 months

Alright man, flash forward five years in your life with this woman - you've had sex three times since you've posted this and she made you feel like shit every time. Oh, and your balls are shriveled cubes of ice. Is that future you want to be a part of or not? Don't trick yourself into thinking it's any more complicated than that.

littlemisswonderlust · 3 months

To be honest, it sound to me (a woman) that she has some personal issues she may or may not have talked to you about that she hasn't resolved yet. You shouldn't have to suffer for those, and you really need to resolve this soon because this sort of stuff can end a relationship. I'd suggest you find a sex positive relationship counselor and try to get her to go to it with you. Make it sound like its for your sake, (ie you want to play by her rules but don't know if you can without professional help due to your past, and it would really mean a lot if she came with) because she obviously sees nothing wrong with her behavior. Also you should probably have a one on one session with the counsellor before had, just to make sure he or she is someone you feel comfortable with.

Even if its not an issue of something in her past keeping her from wanting/enjoying sex, therapy might be helpful in making her realize that a marriage should not be a power struggle, and that just because her libido doesn't match yours doesn't mean she has the right to keep you from relieving it in other ways. She doesn't own your penis or really any other part of your body, and as such really has no right to tell you what you can and can't do with it. As a feminist myself, her insistence that you don't masturbate to porn is just the same kind of control over another's body that feminists are trying to fight. It's in the same realm as the idea that husbands can force sex on their wives. I'm probably not saying that in a very coherent way, but her behavior is still hypocritical imho. Good luck!

ubermonkeyprime · 3 months

re-iterating jellatin: "Tell her your masturbation habits are your own, and if she isn't willing to participate in sex, she has lost all her voice in your sexual gratification and identity"

Yup. It's a two way street. You certainly don't get to tell HER what do with her body. Your body is your own, and what you look at while you're doing it is none of her damn business.

LyssaBrisby · 3 months

Everyone is addressing the wife's control and anger issues (and incorrect use of the word "feminist") very well, but I wanted to just reflect back at you that you have indicated that you were molested in some way as a child and that it still haunts you. I am not sure that pain like that ever goes completely away, but hope that you do not blame yourself, and that you look into personal therapeutic assistance to dig in to the fallout of that event and how it may effect your life and relationships in ways you may not realize.

All the best of luck to you.

DrugAccountHELLOFBI · 3 months

This is an abusive relationship, holy shit.

rolexxx11 · 3 months

The whole feminist thing is just an excuse. An actually strong woman can recognize that her personal relationships do not need to be dictated by what she perceives society to be, but that does take trust. Trust in herself that she is worth being in a mutually respectful relationship, and trust in you that you can be respectful to her and enjoy sex in a positive way.

In the end she doesn't trust you. Period. You are the enemy to her. Heh, good luck with that.

angelwild327 · 3 months

MARRIAGE COUNSELING.... PRONTO!

random_dude011 · 3 months

You are in an abusive relationship.

You need to ask yourself why you love someone who is abusing you.

I'm betting it has at least a little to do with however you were sexually abused as a child.

If a woman were telling you that a man were doing to her what your wife is doing to you, what would you tell her?

I think you're staying in this relationship because you think that as a man you can't really be hurt by your wife. You are wrong. This woman can and will damage you enormously. She may not be a bad person but she is a wounded one and it is not safe for you to be in a relationship with her until she deals with her issues.

I also think you need to see a therapist as well. You are in a deeply, deeply unhealthy place. I cannot stress this enough.

BringTheStealth · 3 months

Google Chrome. Ctrl + Shift + N Enjoy.

Hide her vibrator. If you can't masturbate with any aids then neither should she.

thefleet · 3 months

I am asking you this seriously: Do you even realize that she is treating you horribly? Like, really horribly?

[deleted] · 3 months

Ohh man , Divorce papers are in order.

If she loved you she would not be doing this to you.

QuantumMelody · 3 months

This will get downvoted, and won't be helpful in the slightest.

Your wife is a selfish cunt, and a stupid one at that. You're even more stupid for having married her. Love is blind, what can you do?

ascas · 3 months

Get a fucking divorce is what you do. What the fuck is this woman good for? I know I'm going to be downvoted into oblivion for this, but I care not. You can't do a goddamn single sexual thing with her? She thinks sex with her husband is degrading? AND she forbids you from jacking off?

Like it or lump it, one of the major, if not the central (when you're young), things you provide as a partner is sexual release/gratification. Man or woman. And if you are unwilling to do that (and not unable, un-fucking-willing in this case) AND forbid your partner from doing what 99% of men do anyway, even when they're getting regular sex? Fuck off.

ahatmadeofshoes12 · 3 months

"Feminist" does not mean that you believe sex is an act meant to degrade and objectify woman. Does she know anything about 3rd Wave Feminism? A movement that recently began the modern Slut Walk Movement? As a feminist this viewpoint appalls me. Feminism is about empowering women to own their own bodies and their sexual desires. Sex-positivity is a huge component of the modern feminist movement and feminists like myself are incredibly devoted to promoting empowered sexuality, choice, and consent. Sexuality is beautiful and everyone should be able to enjoy it as they please. You absolutely should be allowed to masturbate. Masturbation is normal and healthy and everyone should be able to enjoy it whether they are single or in a relationship. Its a truly important part of sexual exploration.

biggguy · 3 months

I'm sorry, but you're starting to sound as if /r/law or /r/mensrights would be more likely. If she was loving it before marriage and it stopped right after the vow, something else is going on. As to "twisting her fallopian tubes", unless you're a mallard with one of those corkscrew-shaped dicks, that can safely be delegated to the land of fairytales. I don't know what you did, but look at a basic diagram of female anatomy and realize you won't be able to twist them with a normal dick.

VaginalKnives · 3 months

I just want to address her sexual pain, as that is my personal area of experience.

You two should read this: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/from_ow_to_wow_demystifying_painful_intercourse

I highly recommend that she sees a urogynaecologist (urogynecologist) for diagnosis. They specialise in sexual pain. Normal doctors and gynaecologists usually know nothing about sexual pain. Gynaecology textbooks only contain one unhelpful and out-of-date paragraph about the condition I have, for instance - calling it psychological instead of recognising it has a physical basis that responds well to physical therapy. There are many physical causes of sexual pain, and it is highly treatable. It needs to be investigated, as it can be a symptom of serious conditions.

You need to believe your wife when she feels pain. Get her to communicate what she is feeling with you all the time. Enjoy other forms of intimacy until her pain is resolved. Hands and mouths feel great to use with each other.

metachronos · 3 months

By sanduskied do you mean raped because holy fuck I think that should probably be dealt with...

meangrampa · 3 months

This is all about power. I'd be talking to her about her issues ,a therapist and lastly a lawyer. To "loose interest" as soon as she got a ring on her finger screams ulterior motives.

99rupees · 3 months

that's not a strong woman, that's a selfish woman to put it politely! i hate to just immediately suggest divorce, but..

i suggest maybe taking her to some counseling. there's a deep issue behind this abuse, and no one deserves it.

hope things become better for you whatever road you take. just don't settle for unhappiness!

suninabox · 3 months

The only rational response to this is to hold her down, skeet in her face and then drop the divorce papers on her jizz laden face, all the while screaming "REDDIT MADE ME DO IT! REDDIT MADE ME DO IT!"

thesecretbarn · 3 months

I only got about halfway through the thread before I was too annoyed with you to continue. Please get the fuck out of this relationship. It's bad for both of you, but it's fucking awful for you. Go see a lawyer tomorrow, and move out the day after that.

I understand and appreciate your desire to make it work, but I think you guys hit bottom long ago. It's time for both of you to move on and find happiness. The only way to do this is for you to unilaterally end the relationship.

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