Things you learned from watching Star Trek

shortyjacobs · 1 year

If I ever build a holodeck, it's gonna have a big assed DPST switch on the outside, like this one, through which ALL power to the holodeck will run.

A rotating shift of ensigns that I don't like will have the job of monitoring the switch 24/7. They will be handcuffed to the thing, so even if they are knocked out by some nefarious gas, when they fall they will disconnect it.

None of this "we can't shut it off because the subroutines are off fucking themselves" bullshit. When the Targ manure strikes the main particle impeller, power gets killed.

RedDyeNumber4 · 1 year

The future is so advanced that major technological leaps occur within minutes or hours whenever a previously unsolvable problem arises.
Future engineers may be required to develop cutting edge technological advances while the ship is in imminent danger.

locriology · 1 year

Star Trek Casualty Report: Cause of Death

Explosive Decompression: 4 deaths

Dangerous gases: 3 deaths

Boarding Party Attack: 21 deaths

Exploding Bridge Consoles: 1000+

DrJulianBashir · 1 year

TNG actually played a big part in my moral formation as a pre-teen/teenager.

ejp1082 · 1 year

Always tell your boss that something will take twice as long to do as it'll actually take. That way when you get it done in half the time, he'll think you're a miracle worker.

mispelt · 1 year

Darmok... and Gelad. At Tenagra.

jordanlund · 1 year

Human beings are nothing more than ugly bags of mostly water.

ooitzoo · 1 year

When in doubt, eject the warp core.
Reversing the polarity fixes EVERYTHING.
Tachyon particles are gods way of saying fuck you.
Making first contact with a random other species isn't all that its cracked up to be.
There is an inexhaustible quantity of ensigns that you can randomly send to their doom when the situation arise.
Don't trust anything you see in the holodeck.
Extreme communism > anything else.
Nebula's make great hiding places.
Be weary of anything on the other side of a wormhole.
The enterprise has an infinite quantity of radiation emitting equipment for tight situations.
When given the choice, Riker will always chose to get laid
A drug addicted soldier is a good soldier
All other life in the universe looks more or less human
The plasma warp core coolant destroys all living matter and is guarded by a thin piece of glass to be punctured at the right moment.
Data can always be counted on to materialize and save your ass at the last possible moment. Sometimes this means he has to sacrifice himself.
Never, ever, under any circumstances beam aboard another ship alone and unarmed. Come to think of it, just don't beam aboard another ship.

commongiga · 1 year

Tribbles. They're trouble.

idoliside · 1 year

THERE...ARE...FOUR...LIGHTS!

Securitron · 1 year

Whenever your ship encounters any other ship, both will always be rotated right side up, never upside down with respect to each other.
By the time we're a space faring species, we will have solved the 'problem' of having to go to the restroom, as there will be no toilets on starships.
Phasers sometimes seem to shoot in a direction slightly off from where you point them. It's an auto-aim thing.
In the future, an unusually large number of people are extremely familiar with late 20th / early 21st century history.

dhusk · 1 year

All aliens are sexually compatible with humans and extremely fuckable. Yes, even the glowy immaterial energy ones. Many of them are even hot.

themanwhowas · 1 year

I actually had a poster that had the Enterprise (circa Next Generation) and the slogan "everything I learned in life I learned from Star Trek", along with gems like "once you've met one borg, you've met them all", "if in doubt, separate the saucer section" and, simply, "make it so".

Yes, I am a giant nerd.

corevirus · 1 year

In Starfleet, a large majority of Admirals are either corrupt, lack human compassion or are simply hosts for an invading parasitic slug-like life form. You’ll always do well to have your crew mutiny with you against any of them! The treason charges will likely be dropped when you’re all commended for saving the universe later!

mellolizard · 1 year

Never wear a red shirt.

Chyndonax · 1 year

Communication is good but do it with your shields raised.

FreeDummy · 1 year

You can do anything by reconfiguring the deflector dish.

Gimli_The_Dwarf · 1 year

You don't need seatbelts on a spaceship. Heck, half the time you don't need seats
If Jim Kirk comes to visit, hide your booze
If there's a huge bannister on the bridge, be sure to put the captain's security officer on the opposite side of it from the captain.
Maybe hiring a buxom ship's counselor and putting her in skintight cotton wasn't the greatest move.
With just the technology at hand, a talented person can make time go backwards, forwards, sideways, slideways, front ways, back ways...
Control panels are best run off 1,000V 30A circuits with lots of flash powder for insulation.
Either put adult controls on the holodeck, or don't go in there while someone is busy.
If Jim Kirk comes to visit, hide your daughters
Seriously, don't wear a red shirt.
Talerians, Telarians, and Telurians are all actually furture english for "whatever the fuck species you are"
500 years in the future, the most advanced artificial intelligence in known space, given over a decade of being around humans, will be unable to parse the concept that "it is" can be shortened to "it's"
"Fully functional"? If Dr. Soong took the time to make equipment for Data, I'll bet he took the time to make it spin, vibrate, and glitter like a disco... ball.
If you're going to strand someone on a planet forever, take the time to drop by for lunch once in a while to check on them and make sure the planet next door hasn't exploded or anything.
Above all else, if Jim Kirk comes to visit, hide the computers!
and my axe!

PenName · 1 year

It's only fun to separate the saucer section the first few times. Eventually, you'll get bored and stop doing it.

brandx1982 · 1 year

That even though I can hump a chimp all I want it will never get pregnant. However if I hump an alien with a completely different DNA code I can not only knock her up but the kids will be just fine.

PS. NEVER TRY TO HUMP A CHIMP!

buddha067 · 1 year

Green alien babes are hot.

Tunk · 1 year

Shutting down the warp core NEVER works.

When there is a coolant leak it is time to abandon ship.

Don't shake the warp core, it hates that.

Don't even think about the warp core, it hates that too.

[edit]

Forgot the most important one, electrical safety engineering is a thing of the past.

diadem · 1 year

Never trust a man with a goatee
If two problems are going on at the same time, one will solve the other.
The Beastie Boys exist in the Star Trek Universe, which means references to Mr. Spock exist in 20th/21st century music, which implies that the TV series Star Trek might have aired in the Star Trek universe at one time.
Fat people don't exist.
It's O.K. to kill hundreds of minions so long as you spare the mastermind.
Sending mission critical staff into potentially deadly situations is fine if there are unimportant people to die in their stead. Killing someone in the Star Trek universe is like trying to fire someone in a Union.
Developers of mapping programs are criminally incompetent. Example - Generations: "Does this updated trajectory take the gravity of the star it passes into account?" "No, it doesn't Captain..."
No matter how bad things seem, if you are a main character, nothing will ever change from episode from episode (unless you leave forever).
Laws of physics will change from day to day, but no one will notice.
There are never any other ships in range, even if you are next to an area known for high space traffic, such as Earth.
Superior engineers can always overcome/counteract the naivete of the crew.
It's considered unsporting to creatively use technology, such as teleporting the enemy crew into space when the SOP is teleporting your own troops into combat and possible death.
There are no real technological leaps in propulsion for hundreds of years, just improvements on existing ideas.
Socialist republics somehow work in space even though they don't in real life.
People with evil sounding names are often bad people.
Sun Tsu never said that war was the art of deception, he was always about being completely honest and an all around nice guy.
The smarter a Frenchman is, the more British he sounds.
Helping a people who you don't know will always lead to disaster.
All life is precious, unless the prime directive states otherwise.
All sentient bipeds are actually of the same species and simply of different races. They can eat the same food, breath the same air, and can reproduce. Their offspring are not sterile, which fits the definition of a species.
The more advanced the species, the worse they are at ground combat. While the technology exists to create them, advanced automated friend or foe acquisition in beam weapons is considered unsporting. Utilizing ships sensors for real time battlefield awareness is also unsporting. Gunships/shuttles with extended shield do not exist. Teleportation and holographic technology is not used in the battlefield, nor are grenades or other area weapons or artillery strikes. Orbital ships never provide additional support directly. Advanced technology, such as the ability to fire when cloaked, is usually considered throway tech. It's impossible to cloak torpedo or anything that holds a weapon. Even though phasers can destroy the hard cover that an enemy is hiding behind, doing so is considered unsporting. No advanced race uses remote controlled or automated combat units. Even though all shields have a "weak" frequency no one ever thought to have a constant modulating beam to determine what that frequency is. While perfect combat simulation areas (holodecks) exist for training, they are use almost entirely for recreation. Troops do not even participate in target practice.
It's easier to destabilize a star than to damage a shielded starship.
When using time travel as a weapon, even if you are a villain, you must defy common sense to give your opponent a fighting chance.

doktorbe · 1 year

Star Trek has taught me so much. Like, how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon or even female.

[deleted] · 1 year

Need to take care of a malevolent AI?

2 words: LOGIC TRAP!

AmandaEM · 1 year

Captain Picard does not like children. :O

blindingspeed80 · 1 year

It takes roughly 14 hours to modify the main deflector to emit an inverse tachyon pulse to scan beyond the subspace barrier and search the entire Devron system.

1 year

[deleted]

anthrox · 1 year

Tea, Earl Grey, Hot

isaaciaggard · 1 year

Anything a Vulcan says will work "in theory" will also work in practice.
"If you tech the tech with the tech, tech'ing the tech in the process, then you could tech the tech and save the ship!"

nosound · 1 year

Fuses? On control panel power supplies? Why would we ever need those?

bhal123 · 1 year

Black/White guys are good and White/Black guys are evil.

BevansDesign · 1 year

[deleted]

faswich · 1 year

Be wary of goatees.

zed857 · 1 year

When in doubt, try auxiliary power. If that doesn't work re[tech] and/or over[tech] the [tech].

[deleted] · 1 year

Technobabble is easy. Getting people to stop killing each other so that you can get to space in the first place is what is hard.

[deleted] · 1 year

"The best diplomat I know is a fully charged phaser bank."

-- Scotty

[deleted] · 1 year

When whole ship is in alert and you hear strange noise or see suspicious movement, never report or alert others before checking it.
If you suspect ambush from enemy, don't worry. They always miss the first shot and firefight ensues.
Every time Vucan is put into hard position, he develops emotional issues he must overcome before we can move forward.
Klingons don't have honour. Every family has at least one traitor.
In every group of 4 or more Ferengi, there is always one who is willing to stand up morally and fuck the rules of acquisition.
If red shirt dies, tough luck. If fellow officer friend is in trouble, fuck the rules of Federation, Universe and everything.
If you get captured and don't know why, don't worry. Nobody is going to kill you until they explain why and gloat.
If you are in a cave. It will collapse with 90% probability.

apollotiger · 1 year

Never trust an artificial life form that doesn’t think natural life is superior just ’cause.
Never trust a society that clones.

(The first one really pisses me off. I mean, if you substitute robots for black people or women or really any human group in Star Trek, it becomes an awful show: all the self-sufficient [robots] are inherently evil, and all the good [robots] are [robots] who realize that it’s better to be [the other thing]).

bseege · 1 year

If something is broken never actually fix it. Instead take your magic wand stick it at some random place and make a concentrated face. After some time it will suddenly work again.

FatStig · 1 year

aliens are just bumpy headed humans.

NoSalt · 1 year

It's better to have sex with a green chick than to not have sex at all.

powercow · 1 year

never put on a red shirt. troy is hot but forget about it, if you want to hide from security on the ship, take off your communicator. every species programs their computers the same way, all you have to do is figure out the variable names and you can hack anything.

last when designing a star ship alwasy include locked controls inside the big for opening the door incase some aliens take over the ship and throw you in the brig/.

42tastic · 1 year

Be sure to change the prefix code after commandeering a starship.
Revenge is a dish best served cold; it is very cold in space.
Kirstie Alley used to be reasonably attractive in pointy ears.
Dr. Crusher looks like a golden retriever.
The only person who might have gotten laid more than Riker is Starbuck.

vtdweller · 1 year

I'll add one: Not only is religion completely unneccessary to live a morally good life, but when it's viewed from an outside perspective, it's downright ludicrous.

mr_sobriety · 1 year

Despite the great age of the universe, all intelligent species currently living are within 100 years of technological parity.
Space ships travel backwards and forwards only - never up or down (unless landing or taking off from a planet). This means that a vast proportion of the galaxy is unexplored by any Trek species.
Some time in the 21st century, cell phone technology was lost. By the time of TOS, it had been partially rediscovered, but not sufficiently to handle video.
Computer monitors suffered a similar fate. By the time TNG rolled around, small flat panels (10 inches, max) had reappeared.

Securitron · 1 year

The transporter often has powers never seen before nor since. Learned from reading "Memories of the Future" by Wil Wheaton.

rmeddy · 1 year

Data> Everything and everyone.

Never understood why he care about that human bullshit.

The Lore character made much more sense imo.

nightofgrim · 1 year

You can always push the engines past critical

ProbablyNotToday · 1 year

The one thing that pisses me off the most about Star Trek is that they are WAY TOO ADVANCED. The one thing that really ruins it for me is the teleporter and replicator. Using these two in combination with all their other technologies, there is so much more they could do with these things.

On top of that what I hate is when they are limiting themselves with technology (ie cloaking device that actually had phasing as well) because of some bullshit treaties they have with their enemies, even when they face adversaries like the borg.

Oh and nobody ever goes crazy and starts killing sabotaging crap for no reason, they've gone crazy or they don't want to go on some mission and would rather go home after being in space for who knows how long.

TL:DR

Starfleet lacks imagination when it comes to the current technologies they have.
They cripple themselves even when facing the worst of the worst.
Nobody truly acts like a real human being. Everybody's good and the bad people in Starfleet are just a smudge below good. (I'm only talking about the shows, not Insurrection or any other movies).

meteors · 1 year

I think I actually learned a lot of my moral compass from Star Trek, and became a more thoughtful, tolerant person.

corevirus · 1 year

There are always FOUR LIGHTS.

takatori · 1 year

I learned that if you create a franchise popular among intelligent yet obsessive people who crave group acceptance, you can milk it for at least 45 years without even trying hard.

brainswho · 1 year

The transmission is garbled, but I may be able to clean it up.

Negative__One · 1 year

Always bring Ensign Ramirez on an away mission.

maniaq · 1 year

HEY! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air? You don't know!

readwrite_blue · 1 year

"Things are only impossible until they're not." Capt. Jean-Luc Picard

opie2 · 1 year

If it's your first mission and you look around and see that everyone around you is someone in a major role and you are just an ensign, you are fucked.

dwf · 1 year

Jewish proverbs and Ferengi Rules of Acquisition are nearly indistinguishable in practice.

gc3 · 1 year

Everyone in the galaxy speaks English, and have American sensitivities.

RobotBuddha · 1 year

Genetics is magic. Evolution is magic*1000.

ourmet · 1 year

The equality of all life.

aardvarkious · 1 year

May I present on of my favourite books as a kid: All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Watching Star Trek.

PSBlake · 1 year

If you crosslinked a replicator with a transporter, shouldn't you be able to replicate another transporter at the maximum teleport range? Couldn't you then bounce a signal along to do the same thing at maximum teleport range of the second teleporter? And so on, infinitum? Since the replicated transporter is a simpler, repeating pattern, shouldn't you be able to optimize the transporter protocols to make it appear more quickly?
If the holodecks actually use a combination of tractor beams, force fields, and holograms to create seemingly solid matter, couldn't you isolate someone in a holographic cubicle upon them entering the holodeck, then treadmill them around so that the holographic environment seemed bigger than the actual holodeck?

gcalpo · 1 year

Normal is what everyone else is and you are not.

[deleted] · 1 year

Going out on your own or with a companion in a shuttlecraft sends an automated subspace signal to all malevolent aliens within a hundred light years saying... 'Nothing to see here folks... carry on.'

ajwest · 1 year

Always send the senior officers into both mundane and dangerous situations, sometimes including the captian, leaving the ship controlled by novice low-ranks.

Also, shore leave is never relaxing.

cambot · 1 year

it's nice to have redshirts around so the main cast members don't get killed.
it's bad to have redshirts around because that means somebody's gonna get killed.

Mithryn · 1 year

That if you make a show in which people wear pajamas and spout bad technobabble, you can preach to masses of geeks and nerds and they'll enjoy it.

Kronikarz · 1 year

The real problem with the world today is scarcity.
ALWAYS have a contingency plan. Have a contingency plan for when you run out of contingency plans.

niccamarie · 1 year

All babies born on starships will be born at the least convenient time possible. Scientists suspect that alien attacks may be a natural way to induce labor.

also, Don't provoke the Borg.

Electrorocket · 1 year

Circular logic destroys anything with a microchip
If you can't figure out how to save the day, just modify the deflector array!!
If you need to go faster, just shut everything down but life support
In the future, shirts will always need readjusting when you stand up

nabhoth · 1 year

when you do not know how to solve a problem - generate a stupid name of a device that will have the purpose to solve exactly the idiotic problem you are facing right now.

you'll need to login or register to do that

create a new account

login