females of reddit: help me understand

Echospree · 2 years

6 years is a fairly long relationship. Perhaps she simply realized that you aren't necessarily the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with, and that 6 years was long enough for a relationship with the same person if it wasn't going to come into a lifelong relationship.

What are the ages we're talking about, by the way?

[deleted] · 2 years

Believe it or not, over the course of 6 years people tend to change/grow, and just because someone is a female doesn't mean they're not allowed to do this. I'm guessing she either got bored, or realized you weren't really what she wanted in a long term partner. Breaking up sucks, but you can't expect someone to sacrifice their happiness and life's expectations for your own.

LincolnHat · 2 years

i am just trying to understand why females just cant stay content.

WTF?

transitionality · 2 years

there's more to life then just being content. maybe she wanted more than contentment in her relationship.

i broke up with my fiancee (i am a lesbian, so we were both girls...but i think this advice still applies) about eight months ago because i wasn't happy. we were best friends, i had a lot of fun with her, but she wasn't who i wanted to spend my life with. it was really difficult and she spent a lot of time questioning what she did wrong. she didn't do anything wrong, though--people change. i loved her but i wasn't in love with her anymore. we decided to not talk for about two months and then try being friends, and it worked out well. we're good buddies now. the time apart was good because it gave her time to get over her insecurities about what she did wrong without calling me every day to cry. it also helped me get over my guilt about feeling like i ruined my best friend's life.

Saydrah · 2 years

You mean to say, "My girlfriend and I just broke up."

</grammar nazi>

In any case, what does her failure to stay content in your long term relationship have to do with her gender? Many women ask the same thing about men.

The fact of the matter is, most relationships will end. Frequently the reason is that they have stagnated over time. This isn't necessarily the fault of one or both individuals in the relationship. It just happens. Your brain is programmed to give you a big reward chemically for new, passionate love and a smaller reward for ongoing, companionate love. Many relationships end at the 4-6 year mark because the chemical high of a new romance stops happening.

Relationships that last past this point are the exception, not the norm. They require extraordinary maturity, a dual commitment to keeping things fresh and experiencing frequent renewals of the passionate love that started the relationship, and a willingness to accept and embrace the fact that your relationship will not return to the way you were when you first got together.

Thank your lucky stars that you got broken up with before you proposed. Cry, complain, throw pillows at the wall, and move on. Take the lessons of this relationship and bring them with you when you enter your next long term relationship.

jfpbookworm · 2 years

Thoughts:

She's not required to give you a reason; relationships are "at will." (They're also "no fault," so she doesn't have to point to anything you did.) Maybe it'd be nice to, but perhaps she has difficulty articulating why she's not happy in the relationship, or she fears that'd be interpreted making the breakup open to negotiation.

I don't see this as particularly gendered, but have to wonder: is "stay content" (if I'm interpreting that right) your minimum too? That is, do you think you're obligated to stay in a relationship that's doesn't do much for you? (Personally, I think that you both are better off finding partners who aren't just "content" with you.)

jfpbookworm · 2 years

I think age does matter here. If you got together at 16 and you are now 22, maybe you've grown apart.

If you got together at 28 and she's now 34, maybe you blew it. She waited a long time for a proposal that never came?

Maybe she just realized that you are not the person she wants to be with forever, and that bereaking up now before you are engaged is the best thing to do. Maybe she got 'comfortable' and you've both been choosing familiarity over love. Breaking things off when nothing is really wrong can seem weird. But maybe nothing was really right, either.

Hard to know if she won't tell you.

Echospree · 2 years

She cheated on you.

jfpbookworm · 2 years

maybe she got tired of waiting. nothing against you. i've been with my boyfriend for 9 years. i'm kinda getting tired of waiting too. i love him but sometimes love isn't enough to stay together. a girl can't wait forever for a guy who intends to propose. i guess she hit her limit. you'll find someone better.

JamEaterBlues · 2 years

After that long, its understandable that she may have realized that she was no longer sexually attracted to you. If you guys had no other problems, that was probably what happened. Im really sorry that happened to you, but sexual attraction is a huge factor in a relationship. I wish you the best.

hillahilla · 2 years

Not a native English speaker, but isn't it a bit rude to call women 'females'? It's as if gender made such a big difference that they're totally incomprehensible. After six years together with such an exotic being, it's maybe a bit much.

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