How to be a girl....huh?

siljak · 1 year

There aren't any rules. There's a huge range of ways to be, and we don't all have to try to fit up at the "girly" end of the scale in order to qualify as genuinely female.

I've always hated skirts, make-up, the whole damn "girly" thing too, and I've been mistaken for a boy several times, but it's never made me feel I wasn't really a girl. I'm just a girl who wears trousers and tends to end most days with paint in my hair or mud on my jeans.

The only time it was ever a problem was when I was at school and the whole peer pressure thing made me a bit of an oddity for a while, but hey... everyone is an oddity somehow, so you may as well get on and live life the way you want.

aspmaster · 1 year

Femininity is whatever you want it to be!

unless you really really want to not have girl hormones and think of yourself as a male, you're absolutely fine. I don't buy into all the fashion and beauty shit; I buy something if I think it would look good on me, not random models. I never actually played with trucks or GI Joes but I did make my Barbies have wars and orgies. But I digress. Do whatever the hell you feel like.

(just wondering, though: is one of the dresses a LBD?)

rixie · 1 year

It's a more or less free world. you can wear what you want, have any hairstyle you want, look the way you want to look. It's okay. You will be treated accordingly to how you present yourself, so it helps to be able to present yourself in different ways. I used to be a lot like you, boyish clothes, short hair, no makeup, but I changed and now dress in different styles depending on how I feel that day. Rocky, business, old lady, girly, - it's all a game really you know.

Actually, most girls piss me off, or make me super uncomfortable.

Now, this is a problem. People are different, so when most girls piss you off I think the problem is you, not them. Why do they piss you off? What exactly makes you uncomfortable? Do you think they are stupid or do you think they think you are stupid?

kabukistar · 1 year

Have a vagina. Be young. Wear whatever you damn well please.

superunleaded · 1 year

I love looking like a woman. Sure, I do think it would be easier to be a guy in regards to looks (dress pants, button-up shirt, random tie... ready for work!). That being said, my hobbies, interests, profession, etc. aren't particularly girly (or manly), the way I act isn't always ladylike, but not very many young women currently fit into stereotype of women that was placed many, many years ago.

Why do we (women) piss you off? Listen to the ladies in this community that have replied to you. Do they piss you off? Because I'd say a majority (as of my comment), seem to act the same way you do. Some hate skirts and make-up, some wear the same sort of clothes you do, some play video games and also want to chop their hair off... these are normal women with normal thoughts. Why do they piss you off?

Do you think the only way to feel like a normal girl is to play with make-up all day and chat about boys?

I know this comment is sloppy, but I find it absolutely offensive when a woman says women piss her off (lots of individual people piss me off, so I hear you on that, but I wouldn't say some men aren't stupid, too). What makes you so different? What do you think girls are supposed to be?

riotpigeon · 1 year

I'm with you, except for the "most girls piss me off" part. For one thing, you do know you're confessing this to THE GIRLY SUBREDDIT, right? There must be something you like about us! :) For another thing, it's really stupid to write off "most" of a whole gender like that. Perhaps you're judging by appearances too much: if you look past the lipstick and frilly skirts, I'm sure you'll find a person who's ever bit as cool as you are.

1337geekchic · 1 year

You seem to equate being a girl with clothes and make up. Please don't, there's a lot more to us than that!! I used to feel very uncomfortable around girls because I thought I was an outsider to this 'girly' world. Until I realized that there are a lot more outsiders than I thought! Give us a chance. :)

aenea · 1 year

I don't think that I was ever a 'girl'...I was just a nerdy kid (flat-chested, 4 eyed bookworm/tree climber) who somewhere along the lines transformed into being a woman.

I always sucked at dressing up (although I've always loved lingerie because I like the way that it feels against my skin), but I was pretty much always too tall, too skinny (in all the wrong places), too clumsy, and too socially clueless to pass as a "girl". I have gone through phases where I concentrated on my appearance in a big way- done the weekly manicures/pedicures, done the getting my incredibly thick straight hair crunched into spiral perms regularly because it was the 'girly' thing, waxed/tortured every stray hair follicule, followed the latest fashions and have even tried ruffles, but it really didn't work for me (got me laid at times with shallow people who I shouldn't have wasted my time on, and it still didn't make me feel 'girly'). I do like dressing up occasionally now, but I'd bet that it's been a few years since I had makeup on, or remembered to get my hair cut more than every six months or so. It really doesn't matter- the people who love me still find me attractive, I get enough (good- not OMG what's wrong with her!) looks on the street to help me feel okay about myself, and I'm pretty happy with who I am.

Now that I have two 'girls' (female children) of my own, I have developed a new appreciation for 'girls', and 'girlyness'. When my daughters are experimenting with hair and makeup they're not doing it because they 'have' to- they're doing it to explore themselves and to try to figure out who they are, and because it can be just plain fun to change your hair colour or your clothing style whenever you feel like it. They have no doubt that they're loved (and with one of my daughters being very autistic, that's an achievement for them), and although they still go through the teen crap, being a 'girl' is only part of it.

There's nothing wrong with following whatever you think society's dictates are for a female or with not wanting to wear dresses or makeup- there is something wrong with not doing either out of fear or insecurity. Being female in our society (I'm assuming that you're in the Western hemisphere) gives you an awful lot of choices, and you don't need to feel badly about any of them as long as you are making those choices from a knowledge of who you are and who you want to be.

All of my life most of my friends were male, but in my case, a lot of that (in hindsight) was likely because I didn't think that I could measure up to other 'girls' (plus the fact that I just felt more comfortable with men- not only did I not have to worry about my nail polish, but a good number of them also validated me as a 'girl' whenever I chose).

My perception of myself as a female who couldn't 'measure up' was pretty laughable, as my best friend since 1976 is a woman who has rarely appeared to be less than spectacularly beautiful...gorgeous honey-brown skin, shops constantly, religiously works out and does manicures and makeup stuff and never is NOT put together...and who also showed up at my mom's deathbed in ripped jeans and a 5 sizes too small tshirt because she knew that we all needed good coffee. She's also been jealous of me our whole friendship because I was 5'11" and around 120 pounds for most of our lives, which baffles me (she had boobs and a butt, great clothes and loved shopping. She would have traded every manicure for another 5 inches of height for a portion of her life, which still manages to astonish me. We can always find something odd to measure ourselves against.)

I have never in my life met a real 'girly-girl' over the age of 25 who survived as someone with the respect of both men and women who didn't know how to get down and have fun in the mud when they felt like it, or who didn't occasionally say 'fuck it' and go without showering for a few days. I've prided myself for most of my life because most of my friends were male, and because I was just as icky (hygienically speaking) and as down-to-earth (except when I wanted to sleep with someone who appearance mattered to) as my male friends- completely accepted by them, without any questions asked. That's comforting.

It's fine to prefer jeans, not do makeup, and prefer the company of men. But don't make the mistake that I made of assuming that 'girls' who care about their appearance aren't worth your time or effort. How people look on the outside often has very, very little to do with who they are on the inside, even if it seems like they spend every minute thinking about the newest mascara. I can guarantee that most of them are thinking about other things as well, and choosing friends on the basis of whether or not they have a vagina cuts you off from a lot of very good people.

It also gets easier the older you get. The cheerleaders often get fat and bitter, the nerds and tomboys often get more popular, and that still doesn't really mean anything. People ('girls' or tomboys), generally end up as who they choose to be. Following society's ideas of being a 'girl' or a 'man' (in the case of our sons and brothers) doesn't mean a lot when it comes to who you really are as a person. It is sad when people close themselves off from others based on preconceptions.

TLDR- there's nothing wrong with you- be who you really are, after you realize who that is. In the meantime, don't rule anything out.

Rosebud_Lady · 1 year

I don't like wearing girly clothes, I hate fixing my hair (would rather have it the way Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby wears it, ultra short), make-up doesn't work for me.

I only have girl friends who are either geeky, nerdy or masculine, and I rather hang out with guys. I do have a few dresses, because being 'the wife of' requires me to dress up once in a while. I hate them though. I love wearing cargo pants, sweatshirts, hoodies and sneakers.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're just not a girly-girl. Welcome to the club! <3

DrKinkenstein · 1 year

Most days, I feel like a drag queen who unfortunately can't take her get-up off. I appreciate that I'm lucky enough to have a bangin', voluptuous female body, and I enjoy decorating it. But goddamn do I not want to be a woman all the time.

I find that a surprising number of women can't stand other women, especially other women who are super-traditional-fem, and enjoy the company of men far more. Not sure what's up with that, but, I dunno...maybe we should start a club? Then we could have other female friends who don't make us insane.

mitchandre · 1 year

I'm usually wary of the cliché girl who likes to hang out with the guys more than girls. It is a red flag in my book, something about them always seems a little off.

youfoundme · 1 year

Actually, most girls piss me off, or make me super uncomfortable. I'd much rather hang out with guys than i would chicks. I'm semi convinced I was born the wrong gender.

Sounds like you hate yourself for being a woman, that you have a lot of internalized misogyny. I think you need to sit down and examine why you think these things and what messages made you feel this way.

If you are actually transgender, more power to you, but that doesn't justify hating on other women.

this_is_my_throwaway · 1 year

I'm semi convinced I was born the wrong gender.

Yep. This resonates with me most, as many girls who would agree with any other portion of your post would likely balk at that particular statement.

Despite being straight, thin, and generally attractive, I grew up feeling like an awkward impostor, unwittingly masquerading as a female. I went so far as to shave my head and wear tent-sized mens clothing throughout high school.

While I give it less thought at this point, (I'm now in my late 20s... yikes!) I've never really "grown out of it," as I was often told to expect. I do now wear clothing that fits, but I don't wear skirts or dresses, nor do I use makeup. I've never daydreamed about weddings, and the idea of having children strikes the same sort of primal terror in me that an impending prison sentence might. I still feel I am closer to male than female, intellectually speaking, though that ultimately hasn't prevented me from being happy and entirely comfortable with myself. Most women I encounter still seem like alien creatures, but I have managed to locate and befriend a few like-minded weirdos over the years.

Potential bonus: Guys often seem to find this personality type bewilderingly irresistible.

Trunkbutt · 1 year

I don't feel like a "girl," I feel like me, and I do what I want. Sometimes what I want to do is stereotypically feminine (e.g., I want cake, so I will bake one) and sometimes what I want to do is stereotypically masculine (e.g., I want to drink and watch classic Star Trek). I don't worry about being feminine or "feeling like a girl," because having to fit myself into some box would take too much effort and I'm busy working, taking care of my baby, and having a good time. Do I wear makeup? Sometimes. Do I play sports? Sometimes. And I don't worry about the gender ratios of my friends and acquaintances - I just hang with people I like.

Maybe you weren't born the wrong gender; maybe you're just being YOU, irrespective of your genitals.

thisloser · 1 year

It should be more important to you to make sure you live your life the way you're comfortable than what other people think it should be. I own 0 dresses, get more excited about getting a new video game than I ever did with a pair of shoes, and most other girls annoy the hell out of me too :)

xGreatRomances0x · 1 year

I feel like we would get along wonderfully if we met IRL. :) I'm the same way you are. There aren't really 'rules' to being a girl. It took me a while to realize that. You gotta do what you want and have fun! :D <3

Scalawag · 1 year

Hi. I'm an XY and for the love of god, if you don't like your hair, cut it. Girls with short hair are generally awesome. It's like a beacon of hope for guys who don't want to put up with the standard girly stuff.

kittiecat · 1 year

I was the third daughter growing up in a house with four girls. I see girls in every light. I had a sister who was a cheerleader, one that was a track/softball player and one that is into music and the arts. I would say I'm probably a good combination of all of those things. Being a girl doesn't mean you have to be "girly" but at the same time if you like being "girly" there shouldn't be anything wrong with that. Everyone just has different interests.

I personally loving being able to go outside play in the mud but then come back in take a shower and put on a cute outfit.

To each her own.

Alceraptor · 1 year

No, not really.

Sure, I don't dress girly at all. I like wearing jeans and a tee/button-up/polo when I want to be casual. I'll wear slacks and a blouse for going out. I can't stand wearing a dress or skirt, it makes me feel awkward. I'll wear chapstick but not much else, I don't go out and get manicures or do my nails. I like wearing a-shirts (what people refer to as "wife-beaters" horrible name I know) and boxer-briefs or boy brief panties.

I don't carry a purse, and considering I'm almost 30, I constantly wonder if people might think I'm a dyke for doing so, but I don't let it bother me too much. I feel weird carrying a purse the few times I did so. I'd prefer a messenger bag than a purse. My wallet fits in my pocket, that's where I'll keep it too.

Most of my friends are male, most of my female friends are acquaintances. Some people do consider me masculine, but I merely shrug it off since that's just how I am.

Yes, I do have girl qualities about me though, despite all that. I'm happy being a woman. I think it's best to accept that everyone's different, everyone's got different tastes and people should learn to accept that. There's no right or wrong, it's just how people are.

JamEaterBlues · 1 year

Short haired, video game playing, gun loving ex punk here. I have always found a happy medium in terms of things. I also love dresses, Paris Hilton, the color pink, romcoms, etc.

I think a lot of tomboysish girls end up rejecting girly stuff early on and deciding that it is all stupid because they feel like they can only be one thing or the other. I assure you, it's totally possible to happily embrace your dirty jeans and your dresses. I wish more people would :3

Actually, most girls piss me off, or make me super uncomfortable.

Indeed, because like guys, most girls are exactly the same. ><;;

This train of thought seems to come from what I was talking about before. Pressure to be an extreme makes people reject other people/things rather than taking an inherit neutral and realistic view on them.

izzish · 1 year

OP, I think you might just be me.

I've never been a girly girl -- when I was a little kid I wore dresses because my mother made me wear them but I hated them.

I'm pretty much a tomboy that never grew out of it. I have no idea how to put makeup on, I haven't worn a skirt or dress since I was in grade school, I'd rather lose a limb then get married and have a child, and I hate chick flicks (well ok some of them aren't that bad). I work with almost all females, and I get sick of women wanting to do my hair/makeup.

I feel completely different from the other women that I know - and it's not just because I don't spend tons of money and time trying to beautify myself (and therefore want to talk about it all the damn time) - I think it might come down to just having different values or interests or something. I'm not interested in hearing about that dress they found for 50 percent off and they sure as hell don't care about the things I'm interested in. We don't have anything in common, I'm just as different from them then the guys that they just "don't understand" - except we happen to share the same kind of body parts.

kasumi1190 · 1 year

Welcome to internet, no really, welcome.:)

leprechaun3000 · 1 year

I think North American rules for being a girl suck. Go ahead and break them. They need to be broken.

That being said, screw what other people say being a girl is. Find your own definition of what being you means. You might be casual, athletic, quiet, a dork, etc. Try focusing on the you part instead of the girl part. Being a girl, or girly is something that other people expect you to be/tell you to be.

Oh, and feel free to play with being trans and breaking free of labels. I know one person who currently identifies as being a girl, but to me, she feels like a guy. Most people mistake her for a guy, even when she has long pink hair. When she does drag shows, she dressed up as a girl. I've asked her if she's transgender, and she says "I've stopped thinking about that." Essentially she doesn't mind being called a guy or a girl, sometimes she packs (wears a fake penis under her pants) and she knows she likes girls. She's not into labels though. They may describe part of her, but tend to get certain other things wrong.

She just lives her life the way that makes her happy. I'm proud of her for that. And I'm a little jealous that she figured that out before I did.

cristiline · 1 year

Let go of the stereotype. I am a girl, and I don't wear any makeup, do my hair, or own any dresses. My day-to-day clothes consist almost solely of loose-fitting t-shirts and jeans (okay, I'm still in high school, but still). This does not make me any less of a girl.

I also think you're hanging out with the wrong type of girls. I don't like hanging around stereoptypically "girly" women either, but I also don't like stereotypically "manly" men. Just find PEOPLE you like, irrespective of their gender.

Please, ignore your preconceptions of what is a girl and what is a boy, and just be yourself.

Teatoly · 1 year

I know I should be accepting of how I naturally am but I do desire to be more girly and feminine. I feel 10 times better when I take care of myself and my style. I know I should embrace my lazy slovenly nature but I still yearn for the mentality to be aware of my femininity. I don't care so much about clothes but beauty regimens always slip by me. I never seem to get it in my head that I need to shave and lotion and straighten and perfume myself.

Argh.

tmolyneaux · 1 year

Being 'girly' is more of a state of mind. I wear makeup, do my hair, and own tons of dresses. I look kind of girly sometimes. But I work with metal and love doing carpentry...not exactly the girliest of things. It's okay not to look a certain way, or to act a certain way. Be yourself and be proud of it. So what if you don't wear makeup or play with your hair all the time...doesn't make you any less of a female. I prefer hanging out with guys more then girls most of the time too. I wouldn't worry too much about it

bittersister · 1 year

[deleted]

SerialExperimentsAmy · 1 year

I have the exact opposite problem, I'm a trans girl so I sometimes feel bad for liking really girly things like hello kitty and some nice shoes. Although I think my video game playing and general nerdness create a nice balance.

5days · 1 year

My daughter, who is 7, is wearing a shirt and tie to the first day of school. Not some trendy pink and black type thing but from the boy's section. She has short hair too. She absolutely will not wear a dress under any circumstances. If we needed to go somewhere formal she would wear a suit. My point is that you're not alone and there's nothing wrong with it. People expect women to be a certain way and if we are not then we are weird or just generally othered.

bittersister · 1 year

I feel pretty strong pressure to be more girly than I am. Ive had people tell me Id look amazing if I tried harder. And when I do try yep, i look hot! But.. I want to be liked for me, not for how much I can primp and pretend Im more girly than I am.

I dont have many girl friends but the ones I do have aew generally happy with fairly little primping.

Interestingly I often feel men who meet me only want to sleep with me - they arent really interested in anything else. Putting on makeup and dressing to the nines only compounds that effect.

Yes, I feel very lost as a female.

anonymgrl · 1 year

I'm semi convinced I was born the wrong gender.

Not sure if you were being factious or not, but it could be a real possibility.

zarrexaij · 1 year

You could be a tomboy, although a lot of what you're saying is how I felt when I was really early in my teens (I'm an FtM). I just couldn't understand why girls my age didn't like me (still don't know why girls were so hostile to me in middle and high school, but whatever :P).

cha0smaker69 · 1 year

1) dtf is not localized

2) all girls dorm is a mistake imho. If you hate girls so much you need to get where you interact with more guys then girls. a lot of girls dorms turns out to be assigned there by parents and they tend to rebel even more........

3) i'd go for a little more nerdy guys. they probably will respond better and will invite you in as "one of the guys" easier.

I'm going to be honest, and the truth is if you put time into what you wear you will be noticed. That doesn't mean spending 10 years putting on 10 layers of makeup, but just make sure you are put together.

pick a nice shirt and some jeans that fit and do a little more then just throw your hair into a ponytail and you should get desired responses.

you don't have to be a princess to be hot, but you do have to put in some effort

evet · 1 year

I don't wear makeup, rarely wear skirts or dresses, and find a lot of traditionally female things boring. (I really hate getting a "default female" gift like face goop ("masques"?) or lavender-scented satchels.) But internally I identify as female--I am very strongly cis-gendered. This really hit home when I realized that when playing video games I always want to have a female avatar if possible--it just feels more right to me.

My point is that there is no single right way to be feminine. Just because you aren't interested in many traditionally female pursuits does not automatically mean you must be trans-gendered. Womanhood is a big tent.

Apocalypte · 1 year

I could have written the vast majority of this post. I never wear make-up, don't own any dresses or skirts, I have very short hair (haven't had my hair long since I was about 14), the vast majority of my friends are guys, I've got a load of nerdy interests, and I just can't get my head around a lot of girly things. I seriously do think sometimes that I've got a male brain in a very female body.

kissedbyfire · 1 year

You sound all to similar to me in nearly every respect. I get shit all the time because I'm not girly in the slightest plus I prefer the company of men to women. I'll give just about every woman the benefit of the doubt but more often than not, their petty complaints, the stupid drama and competition wear on my last nerve. I don't care who's boobs are nicer or who has the hottest boyfriend and I view things like getting your nails done to be wasteful (I should probably mention that I also live in Los Angeles...). If you're intelligent and down to earth, we can be the best of friends but I have no patience for the pettiness that some women seem to dish out.

I've always been a tomboy, something my parents hated. My mother raised me with the lovely idea that women simply must wear makeup, torture themselves with heels and dresses and waste hours of their time making sure their hair is perfect. When I mentioned to her that my current boyfriend prefers me natural, she responded by telling me that he's making sure no other men are attracted to me. Yeah, thanks mom. And I wonder why my self image isn't healthy?

I do have hair that's beyond my tailbone but it's usually back in a braid, my makeup supply rarely goes beyond liner and eyebrows (redhead, my features are painfully light). I think the girliest you'll ever see me is when I get excited over new kitchen supplies, since I absolutely adore cooking.

Maybe it's easier for me to relate to my male friends. It's difficult for me to engage in activities like going to the spa, having a "girls night out" or chatting about celebrities and the latest fashion trends. I'm not marriage or baby crazy, I prefer a good craft brew beer to martinis and have a lot of nerdy interests. I don't consider it a bad thing at all either. My boyfriend jokes about me wearing the pants in the relationship. He's admitted that me being a proper tomboy is one of my best traits.

dyabetti · 1 year

Why are you hanging out here, then?

helleborus · 1 year

[deleted]

MissJess · 1 year

welcome to the club.... http://www.reddit.com/r/transgender/

umilmi81 · 1 year

Well of course you like to hang out with guys. Guys do awesome things. The real question is who are you sexually attracted to?

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