How Do You Win Over a Former Best Friend?

veltrop · 3 months

Read this as "How do I make someone like me?"

Better move on.

JJTheJetPlane5657 · 3 months

Figure out from your shared friend how exactly your other friend feels wronged by you, and then demonstrate how you've grown from the experience.

It's hard to say without knowing what the falling out was though; there are some things that people just won't get over.

JJTheJetPlane5657 · 3 months

[deleted]

gioraffe32 · 3 months

Is Social Engineering your ex friend into liking you again really a good idea? Doesn't that cheapen the friendship?

But that's a judgment, and not what you were looking for.

You have two questions, but question two is actually the answer to question one. If she hates you, doesn't want to deal with you, then you really have no other means but to use a mutual friend. I suppose time could work too, but idk how much more you're willing to wait, especially after 7 months. Realize though, that it's probably already an awkward situation for your mutual friend. If I'm friends with two people who are fighting, the last thing I want to do is pick a side or even get involved at all. If the mutual friend has enough sway over your ex-friend, they stand better chance at making your case. If the mutual is more the follower of the ex, then you're probably SOL.

I feel like this subreddit is more about taking advantage of people's stupidity and naiveté; "lack of defense" so to say. This person has thrown up an entire wall with you on the outside. Any type of intervention honestly sounds like it will only aggravate the situation and possibly mess up things b/t the mutual and the ex.

Jedi_Ninja · 3 months

Your friend sounds eerily similar to a friend of mine. She acted the same way towards many of her friends myself included. One week we were the best of friends and the next out of the blue she sends me a text say she hated me and never wanted to talk to me again. I still don't know what it was she thought I did that made her so mad.

[deleted] · 3 months

You need to (wo)man up and realize that she feels there is a reason she can be mad at you. You say it's all her fault but of course after months of only thinking about the situation and never really talking about, of course it you'd forget any wrongdoings that you may or may not have contributed.

If you truly want to fix this friendship you need to be willing to look past whatever she may think you did and move on. Go to her and tell her you're sorry if you ever did anything to hurt her and let her know you want to move on and be friends again. Don't dare bring up any specifics, don't get all catty when she said you were a bitch, and don't you even think about telling her that it was her fault.

This is something us men go through every day. Count your lucky stars that she doesn't get to decide when you have sex.

greenknight · 3 months

And I realize now that's not my place to do that to people..

Yet you ask us how you can go about that? You need to think about your motives for doing this a bit more.

yomamaisallama · 3 months

This woman sounds pretty immature - instead of directly communicating her frustrations with your behavior, she chose to shit-talk you to others and refused to apologize to you once confronted. Even now, she continues to refuse to discuss the issue with you like an adult.

Why do you even want to be this person's friend?

pluspen · 3 months

Are you on talking terms? If so write her a letter. Edit and sleep on it a lot before you send it.

ananasassassassassin · 3 months

As someone who's been the mutual friend, it's uncomfortable as hell being the intermediary between two friends fighting. So don't put too much pressure on your friend to help you and your former best friend to get along again.

NattyBroh · 3 months

Figure out what she wants and find a way to buy her off. If she won't take the bait, find a way to force her to. After all, it's for her own good.

Eurydemus · 3 months

Give up.

oppy · 3 months

In 7th grade my best friend and I stopped talking. I ended up making an AIM screen name to resemble a mutual friend and from there invited myself and exfriend to a chatroom. I intended on trolling, but ended up making up with her in the process. To this day, the mutual friend doesn't know what happened.

Fastforward 6 years - I sign in to the fake account I made and start trolling tons of people. Mutual friend says that people hacked his account and was shocked that someone could guess his "ultra-strong password". :| mfw he claims that account as his own.

s3antidote · 3 months

Urgh had the same issue. Best friend, went away for a week abroad, came back and was totally jerk and just blanked me. I got mad, so blanked him back. Yadda yadda, after a month of nothing I message him saying sorry bla bla did I do something wrong. He comes back, saying everything's cool and "I don't have a problem with you". Well geez thanks dude, I don't have a problem with you either. Fuck that. And since then only had sporadic contact, a few Facebook messages and texts here and there. Then in December, we got on the same class trip, and in the end even shared a room. Everything was like nothing had happened in the 9 months before. But now that terms started up again, just blanks me in class and doesn't talk. So freaking random. Don't know what to do this time. Just leave it? Say something ago? How one can think this is 'normal' is just urgh. Sorry to rant about my problem on your post!

pluspen · 3 months

Real Advice:

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2011/10/05/the-benjamin-franklin-effect/

Get your friend to do something nice for you. She will then rationalize that she did the nice thing because she likes you.

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