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[–]scientist_tz 67 points68 points ago

Did you ever hit that place with a blacklight?

It probably would have glowed like a moist sun.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 28 points29 points ago

I wouldn't have dared.

[–]Galebaby 6 points7 points ago

It would break peace-of-mind you know? If you KNOW what you're walking on you'd probably walk around in those sanitary booties people slip on over their shoes.

[–]Antbutter 22 points23 points ago

So do people really all jizz on the glass, like on Clerks?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 19 points20 points ago

Yeah, they aim for it.

[–]SendoTarget 15 points16 points ago

So this "one girl" that got you the job... what led to you breaking up? What did she do?

I wouldn't ask otherwise but the place you worked makes me want to ask.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 25 points26 points ago

I've spent enough time overanalyzing it that I could write a book on the subject.

However, in short: She cheated, a lot. I, being truly in love for the first time in my life, forgave her the first time and pretended I didn't know it would keep happening. Never again. After the first time, she kept doing it, and lied about it even when I figured it out on my own. One time she had a threesome with a girl I thought was my friend and some random guy. She did this in our bed while I was at work. She also used craigslist a few times to try to sell herself, but as far as I know, never went further than cleaning some dude's house naked. A mutual friend was there to ensure safety, and I trust her (the friend) when she said it went no further than actually cleaning. She never convincingly apologized for any of the things she did, and when I would get upset about it she would be angry at me for 'being mean' or whatever. Near the end she admitted to me all the cheating she did, the ones I knew and others. I almost left at that point, but we were living together in Florida (yet another long story) so I was stuck for a little longer. I tried to make it ok, to logic my pain away and justify how much I still loved her, but from there things got rough, fighting all the time, her going back and forth from really intimate to completely cold towards me. Then she took what money she had and bought a plane ticket to Germany to live with some random MySpace dude she'd never met in person before. She used him, even convincing him they would get married... right up until she managed to get citizenship on her own (she was born there). She left and met another guy, who she then married and I haven't talked to her since.

Her leaving was one of the best things that happened to me, because despite how broken of a person she is, I would have stuck around through even worse.

This summary might not make her sound like it... but I still think she's more naive than purely evil, and that's always made it hard to hate her for the things she did.

[–]woeb0t 31 points32 points ago

I had a girlfriend who became a stripper. A stripper at a club with a pretty lenient hands-off policy. I'm a girl so at first it was fun cuz all I had to do was go in, sit next to a guy who would hand me ones to use. When she got on stage, I would tip her, then she would make out with me. Made good money that way, but then she became like all the other girls there. Slutty shit, so I stopped going. She became pretty much a whore and cheated alot. And we finally broke up on our 2 yr anniversary. Now I'm with a way hotter girl who isn't a whore so it all worked out in the end. But yeah, don't let your gf become a stripper if you can stop it. They change.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 17 points18 points ago

And watching that change happen is horrible.

[–]evojenzo 1 point2 points ago

Wow, you need a AMA all by yourself.

[–]Vitalstatistix 6 points7 points ago

Because she had a stripper g/f?

[–]ilovewiffleball 3 points4 points ago

yes.

[–]roger_ranter 1 point2 points ago

Ugh, god. I can't believe you had to ask that question.

[–]vanillacocoabean 13 points14 points ago

Chiming in with having a girlfriend who became a stripper during our relationship as well. I'm a pretty easy going chick and when she talked to me about becoming a stripper, I didn't think it was a big deal. Fast forward to her getting onto meth and hooking up with dudes so she could get a hit. She had other issues, but the stripping brought out the worst in her.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 8 points9 points ago

That was my feeling at first too, 'no big deal.' I mean, I have an open mind right? I'm an adult capable of rationalizing jealousy, right? A place like this couldn't change such a nice girl that much could it?

...so naive and optimistic I was.

I'm sure stripping doesn't always change people for the worst, but my ex was not an exception.

[–]vanillacocoabean 2 points3 points ago

Yeh bro, that was exactly my thought processes as well.

And generally I'm not a jealous person, I tend to think 'hey, if people are gonna cheat, I can't stop them'. Doesn't mean it hurts any less though.

As cliched as it sounds, time will give you perspective to know that she was the fucked up one. Chin up mate, you will find someone who is worthy of you and your time!

Take care.

[–]GaiusAugustusCaesar 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, man.

I think when people take a job like this they are not creating some weakness within themselves, just amplifying one already there.

[–]SabineLavine 1 point2 points ago

Or they're trying to make a living. The strippers and other sex workers I've known through the years are some of the strongest, most resourceful people I've met. It sucks that people are so ready to put their misconceptions and insecurities on us.

[–]SendoTarget 7 points8 points ago

Are first real relationships always this crappy? My first real girlfriend didn't cheat but she was attention-seeking bi-polar nutcase. She would complain how everyone hated her and verbally abused me. When I tried to defend myself by explaining that she can't say shit like that to a person, she always broke down in tears. Lucky enough that didn't last longer than year and a half. She left me which was a good thing. I couldn't since I thought she would kill herself.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 7 points8 points ago

I imagine with first relationships, we're young and eager to try the whole serious dating thing out. That combined with craziness generally going hand in hand with interestingness leads to shitty experiences. After that it's easier to spot the crazies and avoid it altogether.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

I'm married to my first serious relationship! They're not all bad!

[–]FriendlyEgoBooster 4 points5 points ago

Congrats! and dare I say, "Luckeeeeeeee"

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Haha I'm pretty darned young (20 next month), but I've been in this relationship for 3 1/2 years, and I've been married for 6 months, with no problems so far!

[–]Kaiuk 2 points3 points ago

Did you go to college? any tips on making serious relationships at that age last through college or physical separation?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

I had to quit college around 4 months in due to Health reasons, tried again the year after, again health issues made me quit after 6 months.

I can't say much about physical seperation, We've never gone a day without seeing each other. I moved in with her dad and her at 16, we got our own place shortly before my 17th birthday. We've been living together ever since.

EDIT: However, see each other as often as you can, because if you get sick of each other, you're probably not right for each other. Emphasis on probably, as that's my own experience. I think you need to be able to see that person all day every day, as eventually you plan on moving in together, and that'll be the reality (barring work of course)

Also, you both need to remember, arguments WILL happen, sometimes quite fierce ones, sometimes quite a lot. Remember that you both love each other, and they'll dispell on their own. Don't end a relationship on it. You'll have some horrid things happen in your life, and you'll have to deal with them together.

Assuming you're asking this because you're in a relationship now, I wish you both best of luck, and I hope you have long and happy lives together, Have fun, but don't forget to grow up (i sure did, a little too fast if I say so myself)

[–]Kaiuk 1 point2 points ago

wow! Thats really different. Im really jealous. Good luck to you in your quest for happiness :) all the best

[–]alomomola[!] 1 point2 points ago*

Fuck man. Making me feel old. Been with my (first and only) Gf for six years + now..... not married and neither of us plan to in the near future. But I plan to be with this woman the rest of my life.

Edit for clarity.

[–]sik165 3 points4 points ago

Same here, right on buddy.

[–]atheist_verd 0 points1 point ago

Same here. Met her in middle school, now we are coming up on our 11 year anniversary.

[–]Thesreyn 0 points1 point ago

No one thought to ask if the marriage involved a shotgun?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Shotguns are illegal here (totally missing the point, I know)

[–]Darkencypher 0 points1 point ago

I swear to god that's my story of my first major gf

[–]MrBleah 4 points5 points ago

I've always wondered the mentality it takes to stay with crazy bitches like this given all the wonky crap they put you through.

A friend of mine got together with a stripper in his late 20s and basically she ruined his life IMO. He was banging her for a while and then at one point she actually moved into his parents house with him. I am not sure how he managed to convince the parents they should do this, but it happened. Now that I think about it, part of his problem was that his parents let him get away with too damned much crazy crap.

He now lives with her up in North Dakota and I never hear from him anymore after twenty or so years of friendship. The last time he came back home to visit for a couple of weeks and left her back there she decided to not pay the bills (he gave her money to pay them) and when he came home the electric and water were turned off. I just don't understand what the appeal ends up being. She isn't even that attractive and this wasn't even his first relationship or anything like that.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 4 points5 points ago

I've thought about it from as many angles as I could and I'm still not sure what deeper issues I have that led me to put up with her crap. Maybe a psychoanalyst could help me understand the whole situation, but I'm too poor for that. Plus the only serious problem it caused me was a bit of alcoholism which I've managed to get control of, so I'm pretty happy with sticking to the face-value lessons I've learned about myself and life.

[–]deathsmaash 2 points3 points ago

You're a very good writer and you should invest in yourself if you haven't already. Thanks for the AMA :)

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

Thanks! I've considered trying to start some kind of writing career, but I can't always get myself in the writing mood, and when I do most of comes out crap.

For the moment I'm investing in myself by going back to college to get an engineering degree.

[–]MrBleah 2 points3 points ago

A bit of alcoholism.

A wee smattering of addiction.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

Heh, yeah.

Well, I've lost jobs over it, including this one. There have been days where I'd choose to buy alcohol rather than food (when I could only afford one). I've had one DUI, which was my biggest wake-up call, though I'd known for some time that I needed to change.

I say 'a bit' because after how long I've been a serious drinker, I'm surprised at how relatively easy it was to pull back and limit my drinking without avoiding it altogether. That and I think that not assigning it too much power in my mind has made it easier to overcome it.

[–]mojohuka 1 point2 points ago

She must have been hot as fuck to stay with after so much shit.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 7 points8 points ago*

Pretty hot I guess, though far from perfect or universally attractive. It played a part in me sticking around, but I don't think it was my main motivation.

Edit: She was sort of a combo of a hippie chick and a suicide girl... two types of girls I'm very much into.

[–]IAmBroom 2 points3 points ago

The corollary to

"No matter how hot she is, someone somewhere is sick of her shit."

is

"No matter how ugly or mean she is, someone somewhere could fall for her like crack cocaine."

[–]Winterclaw 13 points14 points ago

How much jizz would a jizz mopper mop if a jizz mopper could mop jizz?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 11 points12 points ago

Bucketloads.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

Do people really go to these places and have a wank? Do people have no shame at all...is it allowed to wank in these places? Or is it one of those things that is commonly overlooked, like massage parlors actually being brothels.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 14 points15 points ago

It's allowed, though not in the hallways, only behind the closed booth doors. We had napkin dispensers all along the walls.... haha, every now and then a scavenger hunt group would pick these napkins (unused of course) as one of the items on their list.

Also, couples would often come in and have sex in the booths, which is pretty gross considering everything else that happened in those booths.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

fair enough, I find it staggering, I don't even see the appeal of a strip bar, never mind wanking in a small room already covered in Jizz...I'll stick with IT support.

[–]Grethor 16 points17 points ago

"i'll stick with IT support"

Relevant in so many situations

[–]reversefleckerl 13 points14 points ago

what do you mean wipe soda in the cash slot?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 31 points32 points ago

It dries sticky and grabs the bottom bill. It's a common hobo trick... always count your withdrawal when using ATMs in a busy place!

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

upvote for honesty and teaching me a new reason to be extra paranoid at ATM machines.

[–]mikesername 6 points7 points ago*

I say upvote for teaching me a new way to make 20 bucks

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 9 points10 points ago

True. I've gotten good at spreading the bills slightly as I put them into my wallet and adding it up really fast. If it's all 20s you just have to tell your brain to look for sets of 5 and it's suddenly easier to insta-count them.

The alternative is to double check the cash slot I guess.

[–]canaznguitar 2 points3 points ago

I can't imagine it being that hard for a sober person to notice one of their 20s glued to the machine as they pull their hand away.

[–]Like_20_Ninjas 72 points73 points ago

I don't even care what you have to say, upvote for "jizzmopper".

[–]Garry2rs 11 points12 points ago

Aaaahhhh the Lusty Lady...

[–]socket_rociety 2 points3 points ago

Honed in on it within seconds of seeing "San Francisco" and "the 'real' strip club next door", though I haven't been in since The Palladium dance club was next door (10 years?). A trip is in order next time I'm in the neighborhood!

[–]rab_eye 33 points34 points ago

On a scale of one to Sandusky, how creepy is the average customer?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 12 points13 points ago

On average, they weren't that creepy... but some were well past Sandusky.

If only I would've still been writing at the time, there are so many details I wish I had a better memory of.

[–]Lilcheeks 14 points15 points ago

One to Sandusky... I like it.

[–]uparoundthebend 9 points10 points ago

Code brown..?.... Whyyyyyyy

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 12 points13 points ago

I don't know. Most of our 'normal' customers were pretty weird... so the actually weird ones bordered on unspeakable. I tried not to think too hard about what was going on in their heads.

[–]batman_is_tired 7 points8 points ago

What's the walk of shame out the door look like?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 35 points36 points ago

You walk out into a busier side street. Sort of a business and residential combo area with lots of tourists. There are between 5 and 10 other strip joints in the area though, most with scantily clad women out front hitting on guys... so it's not like you stand out.

As for walking out the front lobby... lots of avoiding eye contact and quick steps from the customers. It was always fun to loudly tell them to "please come again!"

[–]batman_is_tired 12 points13 points ago

It's everything I expected and more. Thank you.

[–]Lilcheeks 7 points8 points ago

Maybe its because I can't see myself in one of those places at this point, but damn... I'd walk out with a grin ready to shake someones hand.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 13 points14 points ago

Ha! I've had customers offer their hand as they're leaving. I always managed to stop my subconscious impulse to shake it.

They never offered once I started wearing my gloves all the time. It occurred to me a little too late how nasty all the $1's I'd be giving to people are. I put a lot of them on wheresgeorge.com... with very detailed descriptions of where I found them. >:)

[–]minimalmindman 5 points6 points ago

ah, north beach.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 7 points8 points ago

I will always think of it as home.

[–]minimalmindman 3 points4 points ago

i loved my time in that city. i don't think i could permanently live there again but it is a magical place for so many reasons.

[–]Sense_Offender 3 points4 points ago

"Please come again." that works two fold.

[–]Jew_Crusher 7 points8 points ago

Tell us about your male prostitute friend... uhm, how'd you find out? Was it before or after he'd become your "friend".

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 7 points8 points ago

I met him in WI before I ran off to CA. He's crazy and brilliant and super into drugs, which I had just found an interest in exploring. After he, 3 or 4 of our friends, and I all went on a several month long bender, he met some guy via craigslist and did his first 'date.' I think it was his first, I never asked him about it actually. Shortly after that, he, one of those other friends, and I got super drunk and decided to drive to California. My car died in Denver and the other friend went home as we pressed on. Once we finally got to SF, his friend there hooked us up with a place to stay and a job, which neither of us kept long. I ended up meeting the girl I've mentioned and moving into a hostel in exchange for working there. He continued his massive drug use and prostitution thing for several years until some bad experiences led him to quit (the prostitution, not the drugs). I'm not sure what he's up to now, I should check in.

I've tried to get him to do an IAmA, but there have been other male prostitute posts and you'd have to actually spend time with him to understand how he's one of the more interesting people in the world. That, and he's more into 4chan than reddit.

[–]alibee123 3 points4 points ago

I hear a lot of stories about gay men being extremely into drugs. None of the gay men I personally know are, but my girlfriends used to hang out with a large group of them and they were all meth-heads and coke-heads.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 6 points7 points ago

I don't necessarily think one or the other goes hand in hand. I could see how the process of coming out and personally realizing and accepting one's homosexuality might lead to questioning other social norms and being more open to experimentation in general, but in my experience the two aren't directly related.

Edit: As for my friend, he jumps around with how he describes his sexuality. He's always been pretty clear on only wanting female partners for any kind of serious relationships though. I think it's just a part of his bigger "novelty is the best drug, I must experience everything" thing he's got going on.

[–]LowerHaighterHella Loko 15 points16 points ago

Gee, I wonder what employee-owned peepshow in San Francisco that could be.....

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 13 points14 points ago

Hahaha, exactly why I abandoned my idea of keeping it vague.

[–]Irrelevant_lynx 5 points6 points ago

Is this your Mom?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

Not even close.

[–]catfishmeow 8 points9 points ago

does cum really leave streaks if you dont clean it properly? :)

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 13 points14 points ago

Yes. It's disgustingly hard to remove if it's dried. We went through cases of isopropyl alcohol and windex every week.

[–]gsxr 13 points14 points ago

Fun fact, cum is basically proteins. Know what else is basically protein? Glue.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 25 points26 points ago

Oh god. I just thought about kids eating glue... and now I feel disturbed and in desperate need of a shower.

[–]molrobocop 12 points13 points ago

Don't ask me how I know, but removing dried stains from glass/mirror is best done with a razor.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 20 points21 points ago*

Oh! So that's what those razors were for. I saw them in the cleaning closet, but never wanted to touch them due to how covered with cum they were... even with my gloves on, eww.

Edit: Also, getting sharp objects covered in strangers' bodily fluids near your skin is generally a bad idea.

[–]alomomola[!] 3 points4 points ago

Worst talk with your doctor ever...

Doctor: So what's the urgency if this HIV test for.? You:........

[–]Time_for_Stories 2 points3 points ago

How the hell do you know that?

[–]molrobocop 2 points3 points ago

Okay, fine. Many many years ago, in Orlando, there was this radio show called Passion Phones w/ Erin Sommers. One night, they talked about cum being impossible to remove from glass. One guy called in and mentioned using a razor-blade to get it off.

[–]FoxtrotBeta6 2 points3 points ago

One guy called in...

Nice try.

[–]molrobocop 1 point2 points ago

Don't out me, bro.

[–]FoxtrotBeta6 1 point2 points ago

Heh, don't worry, you're all good. Useless/weird knowledge can come in handy at times.

[–]Time_for_Stories 0 points1 point ago

Sure, sure I believe you.

[–]Johnnybravo60025 2 points3 points ago

You know, for science and stuff...

[–]seamonkee 7 points8 points ago

-Were you ever been propositioned? Did you do it? (I know you're a dude. My question still stands. heh)

-Did anyone ever break a porn booth, either with violence or bodily fluids?

-How did you get the job?

-Did it put you off porn at all, even for a little while?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 10 points11 points ago

An unrelated story:

When I first moved to SF, I worked the night shift folding clothes at Abercrombie. As I was waiting alone at a bus stop in empty downtown around 3am, an older somewhat homeless looking man joined me waiting for the bus. He started conversation, which seemed normalish at first until he started asking if I "smoke" and if I'd like to join him in that alley over there. I said no, and then he asked me to stand between him and the street while he hid in the corner of the bus stop so nobody would see him smoking. I told him that it was SF, and nobody really cared if you toked up outside, least of all at 3 in the morning. He insisted, so I obliged. He pulled out a regular pipe, but then lit it from beneath. Surprise! This guy is smoking crack right in front of me. He proceeds to blow it in my face and then casually brushed his hand against the front of my pants. At that point I ran.

Some very fucked up things will happen to you if you wander San Francisco late at night.

Another time I took acid at the beach with my friends, reached a point where I was extremely paranoid, and slipped away from the group to walk all the way back to North Beach to decompress in privacy (7 mile walk or so, but no matter). After making it through golden gate park unscathed, I emerged from one of the heavily wooded areas into an intersection, not 30 feet away from two guys trying to shove a screaming girl into an old vw beetle. The older one, who resembled Jerry Garcia, or at least that's what my fried brain saw, suddenly yelled, "This is my 17 year old daughter and she ran away from home!" Being out of my mind on drugs I left the scene, and realized I didn't have my phone on me to call help. I was about to knock on a random door when I stopped at the terror of the confrontation and how crazy my appearance was at that point plus being obviously fucked up. To this day I tell myself that somebody in the oncoming traffic helped (it was a busy intersection), but I know how the mob mentality leads to nobody helping in situations like these and I feel terrible. This is why I stopped taking psychedelics, I never want to feel that powerless to help again.

Unrelated: Shortly after that, on the continued walk home, I crossed paths with the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. She was glowing white (the drugs obviously, but WOW). I kept walking in that situation too, though I don't regret that nearly as much.

Ok, random ranting over.

[–]ThaRealGaryOak 4 points5 points ago

You don't have to stop taking psychedelics. Moral of the story is that drugs and public places don't mix.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 3 points4 points ago

Yeah. I guess I'm still open to psilocybin for introspective purposes... and 2C-B has never given me a bad trip, but it seems like everything else has... and once it does, I can't seem to stop it from happening every time.

I haven't taken anything since that incident though, and no longer have the urge.

[–]ThaRealGaryOak 2 points3 points ago

Drugs used responsibly are fantastic for creative and introspective purposes.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 2 points3 points ago

Oh I most definitely agree.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 8 points9 points ago

I've had some of the nastier girl customers hint at it, though I never responded to that. I'm glad they never caught me when I was drunk, or bad/embarrassing/unhealthy things may have happened. Being an average looking young guy in SF, in general, guys propositioned me now and then, never did that either. I only got to know a few of the dancers, they didn't spend much time in the front lobby and I had stopped smoking weed by that point so I rarely hung out with them in the break room. I've thought one or two were going slightly beyond casual flirting at some points, but nothing ever happened. Once, when two girls were working the private booth and no customers were coming in, they called me in to 'clean it' and offered to give me a show... which I assume may have led to more in the upstairs break room. I would have been fired, but I still kick myself every time I remember saying no to that.

[–]DrunkenTypist 0 points1 point ago

What was 'nasty' about these women? I note also that you say in your opener...

My best friend at the time was a male prostitute, so I did (and still do) have a pretty liberal view on that profession.

...yet you describe some other prostitutes as...

a couple of nasty prostitutes that would come in late at night

So, what exactly was nasty about them?

[–]Skirkle 7 points8 points ago

One of the dancers at this place did an AMA recently. Here it is.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 8 points9 points ago

Cool. Yeah I remember Violet! She's a really nice girl.

[–]miranderp 6 points7 points ago

What were the girls like? Daddy issues? Very little self-respect? Or were they pretty normal level-headed women who couldn't do much else besides be naked?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 8 points9 points ago

All sorts. Some with obvious issues. Some with drug problems. Some working through school. Plenty of radical feminist types and lesbians, this being in San Fran and all. Really though, not too far from what you'd find taking a cross-section of the general populace.

[–]everydayfromwork 6 points7 points ago

Did you take the job because of better pay, your ex, attraction to a dingier side of society?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 7 points8 points ago

I worked at a nearby youth hostel with the ex before this. Or rather, volunteered in exchange for staying for free. We moved out when she got the dancing job, and after a few weeks of no luck finding work myself, this place finally called me in for an interview. I'd have rather not worked there while she worked there, but it wasn't too hard to keep it out of my mind and we tended to try to keep our schedules from overlapping too much. Attraction to a dingier side was definitely part of the appeal, and why I kept working there after she and I split up. My whole "run away to CA" thing was centered around experiencing new and strange things and opening my mind in general.

[–]everydayfromwork 9 points10 points ago

That's awesome that you wanted to experience new and strange things and open your mind. I definitely feel more connected and in touch with society when I get out of my comfort zone (as opposed to say, following the news or celebrities). Best of luck to you in the future.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 5 points6 points ago

Thanks.

[–]sane-ish 6 points7 points ago

Do you think working there has made a negative impact on how you view sex? Generally, what is your take sex now as compared to before you worked there?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 5 points6 points ago

It hasn't changed much. Sometimes being surrounded by it I would find myself less interested in sex, but never completely turned off. I have become a little cynical about polyamorous relationships after watching a number of the dancers who tried that and the drama it caused. After a while I just realized that it works for some and not for others, myself included in the latter group.

[–]KaptainKershaw 4 points5 points ago

Did anyone ever pass out in a booth? Did police come in alot?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 7 points8 points ago

I only had to call the police a few times. Once was when my laptop was stolen from the back room. I was right next to it, sleeping. They caught the guys a few minutes later riding away on bikes. The police kept my laptop for 6 months as evidence. Pain in the ass.

The other time one of our oldest (read: aged) regulars was robbed by the prostitute that he refused to pay... right in front of me (the robbing, not the service he bought). I kinda froze on that one, but eventually called the cops. I wasn't expecting to see a crackwhore digging through the pockets of a screaming old man that night... They showed up late-ish, as usual, but eventually sorted it all out and took them both to court. I had to show up for the arraignment, which was postponed, and then I left the state and never heard back about it again.

The police rarely, if ever, came in as customers... though they'd get pretty good treatment at the club next door I hear. Firefighters too. They had some toys for children Xmas charity event they held there every year. Kinda odd to throw all those things together.

Ninja-edit: Yeah, I had to wake people up a lot to kick them out. Usually they were on the nod (drugs) and not just sleeping.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 3 points4 points ago

Cameras were strictly forbidden. We aggressively enforced that policy, more so than any other rules we had. Multiple times I've ripped a customer's phone out of their hands to check the pics while another person held them back. Illegal? Probably... but I never saw any repercussions... and we always found pics on there. We only did this when the dancers on stage called to report it happening, it wasn't a hunch based thing.

[–]Redfoxyboy 2 points3 points ago

You worked in a porn shop and your best friend was a male prostitute? Have you ever considered selling your life rights as a sitcom to Fox?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 11 points12 points ago

They'd make it awesome and cancel it after one season.

I also: Lived in a travelling band's school bus, lived in my own '65 VW Microbus with the many-times-mentioned ex, tried almost every drug I could find, survived my house burning down (set on fire by a roommate, who then blamed the male prostitute friend of mine), and trimmed pot for a while (more boring than it sounds).

I've wanted to write some kind of novel for a long time now, but I'm not sure where to go with it, and when I just start writing I reread it later and it's all cliche filled pretentious crap. Maybe when I'm wiser I'll be able to look back and write something more profound about my time in CA.

[–]leilavanora 3 points4 points ago*

Holy fuck, I get the feeling you're not going to see this comment but I know exactly who you are. What are the fucking odds.

Edit: Purely for your amusement, I only realized this because I had the biggest crush on you after we met and I may or may not have internet stalked the shit out of you at one point. Don't judge me. I was 17 and at the time you were the hottest guy I had ever held hands with while I was making out with two different guys at the same time no less. Oh to be young again.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 2 points3 points ago*

I had a feeling that would happen if the IAmA got big enough...

Edit: I had a look at your last few comments and I think I figured out who you are too! :)

[–]leilavanora 1 point2 points ago

I'm still under the impression you don't know what my name is so I highly doubt you could have figured out who I am by my recent comment history.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 2 points3 points ago

Ah, maybe not then. It was the mentioning of Shanghai and Oregon that made me think of one person. So... we didn't hold hands on the drive home from a mutual friend's house, long long ago?

[–]leilavanora 2 points3 points ago

Alright, my apologies! Your memory is far better than expected because I completely forgot that happened until you mentioned it just now. I feel like a giddy high schooler all over again hahahhaha.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

I knew it! So that other girl became a porn star?... that's interesting. My memory of that night is pretty hazy, but I clearly remember beer pong, trying to solve a rubik's sphere, and holding your hand on the ride home.

[–]Sohda 7 points8 points ago

Awww. Any chance of meeting up to see if there are any sparks between you guys? Question posed to you both.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 5 points6 points ago

nowkiss.jpg

[–]leilavanora 1 point2 points ago

Wow you're good. That was almost five years ago! I remember the rubik's sphere and it somehow ended up in my purse. I was so pissed I didn't just take it as a souvenir of my youth. I'm also really glad you don't remember anything else since that was the height of my teenage debauchery.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago*

Oh I remember a few other things which aren't my business to share with reddit. ;)

I still have that rubik's sphere. I think. I might have taken one from a different party.

Random question: Do you know Mandarin? I've started teaching myself. I'm just starting so I'm not much further than basic things like "Nĭ hăo ma?" "Hĕn hăo, yĕ hái lèi." I began learning characters the other day, which is pretty difficult, but interesting.

Edit: Just saw your other edit, ha! I had a crush on you too... and I remember the debauchery, but I don't remember holding hands while you were making out with other guys!

[–]leilavanora 1 point2 points ago

I can only speak Shanghainese which has proven itself incredibly useless in Shanghai, go figure. I think I have pretty good pronunciation of Mandarin but the number of words I know is very limited and trying to learn characters is another hill all together. I usually have to rely on all my expat friends to help me haha.

I am up far too late and I have to wake up really early tomorrow morning but this AMA has made my night =)

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

Glad to hear it, good night!

[–]leilavanora 1 point2 points ago

Also if it makes this AMA any more interesting, if you have any memory of the night we met, the girl I was with ended up becoming a porn star. She started stripping and then hardcore prostituting herself on craigslist before becoming a full blown porn star.

[–]tiffnyy 5 points6 points ago

Perviest customer you remember?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 7 points8 points ago

Hmm. Well, there was the cum-napkin eater that I mentioned in the bottom of that big block of text above... There were a few guys that would call late at night trying to get very specific scheduling information for whichever specific dancer that they 'liked.' When I was walking my gf-at-the-time home from work there was an old guy who caught up to us and started aggressively hitting on her, first using her stage name, then her real name, which she'd never told him. I managed to get rid of him, and then after getting her home ran around the neighborhood with a camera until I found the guy outside one of the other clubs. He wasn't too happy with me running up and snapping his picture, but now he's got a close-up in the banned-for-life book.

Most of the pervs were harmless, and actually, the business depended on those ones. But there were a few stalkers, a few guys who liked to dress in ridiculous costumes, and the occasional batshit crazy person.

[–]badnewsandliars 7 points8 points ago

and the occasional batshit crazy person.

Everyone you described before that fits my definition of "batshit crazy."

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 3 points4 points ago

Yeah, I suppose. There are people with issues you can understand, despite how unbalanced they are, and then there are people who's actions have no reasonable thought behind them. I'm not sure if you've ever been there... but if you wind up in San Francisco, ride the bus system around for a day and you'll begin to see the difference.

[–]alibee123 4 points5 points ago

cum-napkin eater

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. oh my god. when i read it in the first post my mind went to used napkins, like, residual food on them or something.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

howard stern had a lady on his show that loved to eat/drink cum. nearly vomited on my drive to work. she'd do anything to get cum.

[–]I_utilize_Caps_Lock 5 points6 points ago

So what is the atmosphere at a place like this like?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 9 points10 points ago

The front lobby is somewhat classy in appearance. Tapestry/curtains, somebody had dismantled a massive antique wooden bed frame and made the desk and paneled the walls with the carved pieces. One wall was a giant porn shelf, with a section showing the scheduled dancers that day. The music there changes depending on who's cashiering at the time.

Inside it's dirtier, though mostly well lit. The music there is on cycle from a playlist picked by the dancers, or not playing if the live show is over. The customers generally make the atmosphere. Sometime's it's a large group of mildly drunk tourists exploring the SF nightlife, laughing and uplifting the vibe and hiding the dirty undertones. Other times it's a bunch of silent creepy guys doing their 'business,' giving it an almost desperate feeling.

Edit: Working there you're a bit removed from the atmosphere, though at times it can feel like watching a David Lynch film.

[–]theharb 2 points3 points ago

Apron Dave beat his meat

In more ways than one, 'tis said

but he was good guy pervert

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

You should stop by and see if they're hiring, you're perfect for the job!

[–]theharb 2 points3 points ago

ha, thanks for the offer but I don't think I could mop up jizz, I'd end up throwing up, I don't even like my own, much less other peoples.

Do you remember any of the haiku's you guys came up with for Apron Dave?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

Unfortunately no. They were mostly centered around sleeping in porn booths, dying of heart problems, and some creative apron metaphors.

[–]AFlyingToaster 2 points3 points ago

What provoked you to get a job there?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 0 points1 point ago

My exgirlfriend had started there and said I would probably be hired. I had been trying for several months to find work after we moved out of the work-for-stay hostel we were at, and compared to the other interviews I had coming up this job actually sounded interesting and possibly fun. Which it definitely was... but also fucked up.

[–]justjewit 2 points3 points ago

Is this place on your resume? Have you got any cool questions from other employers?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 0 points1 point ago

Yeah it is, but it has a non-obvious company name. I generally list it as "being responsible for a till of X amount of dollars, responding to potentially violent situations with de-escalation techniques, and doing general building maintenance and cleaning," or something like that. When potential employers ask about it in detail, I tell them the truth. It's given me a surprisingly large amount of good answers to the "tell me about a time when..." questions. No really cool questions during interviews, but a few have asked about it later after hiring me.

[–]therealandrew 2 points3 points ago

Did the cops ever come in or city inspectors?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

cops

I'm sure inspectors came around now and then, though that's never anything I've been there during.

[–]lets_discuss_ur_butt 23 points24 points ago

Any anal sex?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 18 points19 points ago

Well. A certain hipster beat-lit loving friend apparently had anal with a certain dancer friend. /gossip

Also, anything goes with the private booth shows, if you can afford it. (still glass between them)

As for my butt, as your name suggests, nope.

[–]lets_discuss_ur_butt 5 points6 points ago

Any way to remove the glass?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 21 points22 points ago

Not easily. A few people have tried to break it, one succeeded, but that's when the support staff (me) would get to have some excitement. We always got to them before anything bad happened.

I heard one story from before I started there. A guy was in a porno booth, and broke open the ceiling to climb over above the stage to get a free show. Well, the ceiling collapsed and he fell onto the stage and proceeded to get beaten nearly to death by a stiletto-wielding stripper.

[–]lets_discuss_ur_butt 5 points6 points ago

Why are you guys beating people half to death when all they want is a free show? Yeesh.

[–]Asksaboutnoveltyacct 2 points3 points ago

This isn't butt-related, either! This guy's a phony!

[–]N05f3r47u 4 points5 points ago

I see this guy EVERYWHERE.

[–]anisenayati 5 points6 points ago

i know !!! also , the what_os guy

[–]AstroMariner 2 points3 points ago

To a degree, reminds me of DuckBilledDuck. No ill will meant though.

[–]That_Guy_JR 1 point2 points ago

NEVA FORGET. (though he got unbanned, right?)

[–]AstroMariner 1 point2 points ago

I don't know. I've left and came back but I'm not sure what happened after that. Not sure how I missed it.

[–]Hiphoppington 5 points6 points ago

I blanket upvote you whenever I see you post. Which is weird because "ur" generally makes me rage.

Keep on redditing sir!

[–]nope_nic_tesla 7 points8 points ago

I usually downvote you for posting irrelevant questions in IAMAs, but this time I will give you an upvote.

[–]mrbriancomputer 12 points13 points ago

Ask me anything...

Irrelevant.

[–]RobotLegion 2 points3 points ago

I usually downvote people who make posts bringing attention to an up/down vote they cast, but because I love the "Nope, Nic Tesla" crossover meme, I will give you an upvote.

[–]ideafoam 1 point2 points ago

I love it when you turn up in threads.

[–]lets_discuss_ur_butt 3 points4 points ago

Upvote for you, sir.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]i_am_Kevin 2 points3 points ago

Awesome answers, its a really good read

[–]squid9 1 point2 points ago

You still in SF? I may know you / of you.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 0 points1 point ago

No, I left two years ago. How do you think you know me?

[–]squid9 1 point2 points ago

Something you said about Florida, but never mind, I suppose.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

How long do the tokens generally last for?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 0 points1 point ago

They switched from using quarters to dollar bills sometime in the 90s I believe. A dollar will get you somewhere between 45 and 60 seconds of the live show, or I think 5 minutes of porn.

[–]Lemondoodle 1 point2 points ago

Did you ever eat at the delicious Pizza place across the street? I've been to the pizza place and have been tempted to check in on FB at the 'Lusty Lady' to freak out my christian family.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 0 points1 point ago

I've tried every pizza place in that neighborhood. My favorite is Golden Boy. I don't remember one being directly across the street... maybe they opened up after I left.

[–]louielouayyyyy 1 point2 points ago

Did you ever see any Taxi Drivers? They come in, order a lot of candy, and then get kicked out.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

Ha, nope.

We had a few special guys on call that were well trusted to drive the girls home. And we kept a taxi log with car #'s and times in case a less known driver tried something shady while taking a dancer home.

[–]stupidfuckhead 1 point2 points ago

So you're the guy who cleans up the loads?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 0 points1 point ago

I was indeed. That + security + giving people lots of $1's in change.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I find it funny how I wiki'ed peepshow to get a full knowledge of what exactly it is, and the place you're talking about is on the wiki page

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 0 points1 point ago

Ahh, Spanksgiving!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Please elaborate :o

[–]sesdayi 1 point2 points ago

I always thought the 'Girls Girls Girls!' was to attract girls to go to the club.

[–]soyjuice 2 points3 points ago

The Lusty Lady!

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 0 points1 point ago

aka The Shady Lady aka The Crusty Lady! A wild ride, I suggest everybody check it out if they ever wind up in North Beach, San Francisco. Bar time on Friday and Saturday nights are the most interesting.

[–]markpelly 1 point2 points ago

Ever have a guy come in regularly to lick the semen off the floor? I really hope someone gets this reference from a similar AMA...

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 7 points8 points ago

I don't get the reference... but I've heard similar stories from the dancers, and of course, the napkin incident I mentioned in the post's text.

[–]wonkizzle 1 point2 points ago

So for fun, have you ever taken a black light into the booths just to see how bright it would be? I imagine your reaction being something like THIS

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 3 points4 points ago

Haha, our definitions of "fun" differ slightly...

[–]Necrotopsy 3 points4 points ago

he meant for science

[–]ajaxx9 0 points1 point ago

Had you seen the movie "Clerks" before taking the job? Also, props for beating alcoholism man.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 0 points1 point ago

Yes, it's been one of my favorites since I first saw it.

Also, thanks. To be honest, it's been a little easier than I expected. Now I'm working on quitting cigarettes... that's been rough so far.

[–]ajaxx9 1 point2 points ago

By the way love your name, Sirens of Titan is my favorite book of all time. Slaughterhouse 5 of course is great too!

[–]the1npc 1 point2 points ago

buy a pack of julies gum :)

[–]twifofi 0 points1 point ago

Goodguy Apron Dave, always lending a hand at the peepshow.

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

One hand is all you need. Well, that and a dollar.

[–]Nexusmaxis 1 point2 points ago

I'd lend him a glove if it were me

[–]policeAcademy3 0 points1 point ago

ohhhh... that's nasty

[–]Sc2RuinedMyLife 0 points1 point ago

can you explain this soda in the ATM trick? did a bill stick in the slot?

[–]MrRumfoord[S] 1 point2 points ago

It's the kind of ATM that spits the bills into a slot that's open on the top and front. A lot of people, especially if they were trashed, would just grab the stack of bills from the top, slide it out, and walk away without looking. If the bottom of the cash slot was sticky enough, the last bill would stick to it and the rest would slide out on top of it.

[–]Dymn 0 points1 point ago

I actually dated one of them. LOONNG story... but the short version is: I started dating her first, then she started working there, which consequently got me the desk job. The job unleashed her inner whore, and now years after that ended I'm still drinking away the emotional trauma. Guy's Life Lesson 1: Never date a stripper and never let your girlfriend become one.

Okay, we know the short of it. Can we get the long version?