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[–]Aussiemon 722 points723 points ago

I was told by a Verizon representative that a Droid wouldn't even turn on without a data plan, because it had "an internet-based processor".

[–]HazyEyedDinosaur 253 points254 points ago

I woulda just raised my hand and asked loudly "Hello? Can I have a new salesman please?" That woulda been embarrassing for him

[–]squeakyneb 38 points39 points ago

Holy shit yes. I'll save that one for later.

[–]dont_get_it 1059 points1060 points ago

There are scummy electronics/gadgets shops on Tenerife - don't buy anything from them.

I was looking at a display of binoculars and the sign said they had nightvision ones for sale. I asked the salesman which ones had night vision

"all of them".

These were regular binoculars. I asked where would the batteries go in them - he said they had a coating on them to see infra-red. I looked through them and they were regular optical binoculars. I called him on this, and he says

"Did I say infra-red? I meant infra-green".

Infra-fricken-green!

[–]fasda 399 points400 points ago

Infra-green? that would be yellow I believe that would be yellow.

[–]necroj 1272 points1273 points ago

A salesperson from a home security company told me the motion sensors will not detect cats because it can sense their brain waves. Didn't go with that company.

[–]sofaroth 1025 points1026 points ago

What if the cat is wearing an aluminum foil hat?

[–]Jgarrick 656 points657 points ago

Alarm Installer here. This is true, often burglars send cats in with tin foil hats on trained to steal things (usualy bits of string and other...things) for them. They have trouble with dogs brain waves tho.

[–]sofaroth 358 points359 points ago

Damn cat burglers. Perhaps I should start leaving in-progress board games lying around. Cats can't resist the urge to lay on them. Then the thieves will have to come over and cuddle the cats. People can't resist the urge to cuddle cats laying in places they're not supposed to. Then the motion sensor will get the human thief.

I think I'm quitting my job and going into the home security business.

[–]SapphireDragon 598 points599 points ago

When we were making funeral arrangements for my grandfather, we got to hear all kinds of horror stories about casket failures so the funeral guy could sell us the casket with the 99 year warranty. I asked how often they would dig it up to check the seals. Took me a few minutes before I realized my mom wasn't crying harder, she was laughing.

[–]Qwestop 193 points194 points ago

Funeral places are HUGE fucking ripoff. I keep thinking of the big lebowski! But seriously go to Costco and you get it overnight for a fraction of the cost. Screw them.

[–]DigitalSarcasm 87 points88 points ago

TIL Costco sells caskets

[–]EndlessForLoop 1530 points1531 points ago

AT&T sales lady just told me I had to use their router so my internet would work with the "special underground wires" that they use ಠ_ಠ

[–]oddmanout 1109 points1110 points ago

Time Warner charges $5 a month if you want wireless. The person on the phone told me I HAD to sign up for that or it wouldn't work. Of course I said no, and as soon as the installer left, I unplugged it from my laptop and plugged it into a wireless router. It works fine.

[–]sknkpop 1142 points1143 points ago*

I worked for a company in Australia called AAPT. They used to have an initial "BYO Modem" fee of $100.00. So if someone had their own modem, etc. We were supposed to charge them a hundred bucks for no reason. I tried to find a reason for the charge, by the way. I spoke to both the regional manager and the national manager. Umms and uhhs the whole way round.

Eventually, one of the sales managers explained, "We want them using our modems. The fee is incentive."

I'd always send customers the router whether they wanted it or not, explaining, "It's just a backup in case something goes wrong with your current." I was not allowed to mention the fee unless they asked, and the 2 port, basic modem was free with any contract (I only sold contracts).

EDIT: Wow. There was a whole lot of positive feedback here that I was not expecting. I feel pretty damn humble right now, but I'd also like to say that being ethical, and doing what's right by someone else isn't something I should be praised for, though I appreciate it greatly! I certainly feel good, and feel like though my time in that industry is over, it was definitely worth it! I'd also like to give a big thanks to Liverhawk25 for Reddit Golding me. I'll not waste it. :)

[–]spicnic_basket 844 points845 points ago

You are a good salesperson and human being.

[–]sknkpop 363 points364 points ago*

Haha, thank you. I think my behavior in sales was in part thanks to the man who trained me and coached me from time to time on the job. He explained it was about rapport, that at the end of the day, if you make these people your best friend you'll have high sales numbers anyway. He then pointed out that good customer service was the best way to go.

With that in mind I learned more about my company's back end than my role required, and was able to fix just about everything on an account if I wanted to, in under a few minutes.

Later, I signed up to a plan they had, and during my contract they sold their Residential business to another company. I fell behind on bills (hard times), and they cut my connection. I paid the day they cut me. I called, asked what the hell? The new team told me I now owed them another $300 in disconnection fees, and that there was nothing I could do. I then told him exactly how to fix it and he hung up.

I called the Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman five minutes later. Within a week, their customer resolution department contacted me. (Great guys, got along really well with my team, as we had the highest sales numbers in the company, it was important for us to make sure we got every sale right.) They told me the state of the company and said, "Well you're up to date with what you owed us, and to be honest, why would you want to come back? This company is in the shit." So we decided together to just call it square and move on. Released from my contract only 8 months into the 24 month term, with no disconnection fees.

[–]omegaminus_sk 1106 points1107 points ago

I was buying a set of 4.1 computer speakers at a major chain and the salesman told me I should get the product service plan because "if one speaker is disconnected, then the current that was going through it is directed to the other speakers and that could overload and damage them".

[–]thechosenjuan 317 points318 points ago

"and once that one breaks, the current will overload the rest of the devices in the room so it'll be a good idea to go ahead and get our mega electrician protection guarantee. It's only 10.99 and could save you up to $3000"

[–]Kitty_McWhiskertips 56 points57 points ago

I didn't see the word "Quantum" in there.

Try again.

[–]wtfyoulookingat 734 points735 points ago

I just facepalmed so hard, I think I slipped into another dimension.

[–]alreadyobsolete 57 points58 points ago

what's it like?

[–]Addequate 157 points158 points ago

Warm and silky smooth. Smells of wood pulp.

[–]SpilledMiak 1127 points1128 points ago

My brother (an idiot) was told that a special cleaning spray would make CD's and DVD's play better.

My brother now claims it makes his video games load faster and improves the movie quality beyond BluRay.

I tried explaining why he was a dolt, but it just made him defensive.

[–]GanjaJon 1410 points1411 points ago

i hate the aggressively dumb

[–]Slapbox 259 points260 points ago

Cleaning your CD's / DVD's with certain solutions can make parts of the disc that weren't readable readable again. Definitely does not improve movie quality lol.

Anyway this is how I made my Earthsiege 2 disc last for an eternity when I was younger.

[–]punkwalrus 1008 points1009 points ago

I was helping a friend buy a car. As she was working out financial dealings, I wandered around the lot. A salesguy came up to me, and gave me the corniest lines in all of car sales stereotypes. I mean, it was unreal.

  • Guy: How can I help you today?
  • Me: I am just killing time while my friend buys a car.
  • Guy: You look like a sharp guy, I bet you get all the women.
  • Me: [chuckled at the line like out of a comedy sketch] What?
  • Guy: You heard, me. Handsome guy like you, what kind of car do you drive? I bet it's a Mustang. A race car? Don't tell me, a Ferrari!
  • Me: I drive a Dodge Omni. Not exactly a sex machine, there. But it gets the job done.
  • Guy: A Dodge Omni! A handsome guy like you needs a MAN'S vehicle! [slaps hand on I think a Chevy pickup] Now HERE is a MAN'S MACHINE!
  • Me: A Chevy pickup?
  • Guy: That's right, built Chevy Tough! GRRRRR [grips fist and smiles] huh? GRRRR!!!
  • Me: I know you work on commission, so let me save you some money. I am not here to buy a car. At all. I am here with a friend--
  • Guy: So what can you afford?
  • Me: Not a car payment, that's for s--
  • Guy: Let me tell you what you can't afford: to drive in a Dodge Omni. This Chevy is a SEX MAGNET!
  • Me: I am married.
  • Guy: Of COURSE you are! Stud like you, what you got 4-10 kids?
  • Me: I swear to you, you will not sell a car to me--
  • Guy: This is how you can afford this truck. [whispers like secret agents are about] Strap a snowplow to this bad boy, and you'll easily make 50-70 thousand every winter. IT WILL PAY FOR ITSELF!
  • Me: How will I fit 4-10 kids in this Chevy?
  • Guy: How can you fit them in the Omni?
  • Me: I have a roof rack.
  • Guy: This has a cargo bed!!
  • Me: Touche...

That guy would not let go. I had to walk away from him, and he kept following me around until I had to go find my friend, and ask the other salesguy to tell his coworker to leave me alone.

[–]pmk422 316 points317 points ago

You could always flirt with him to make him uncomfortable. See how far he is willing to go to make a sale.

[–]punkwalrus 218 points219 points ago

It occurred to me to do that, as I have messed with people's head before... but I just wanted out of there. I wish I could have said, "I am a WOMAN, dammit!" (I was wearing a winter coat), but I thought of that like years afterwards. Dammit, staircase wit!

[–]Qwestop 522 points523 points ago

In other words you went back and bought the truck

[–]Trip_McNeely 405 points406 points ago

Pfff, went back? He drove off the lot with it. Like a man!

[–]deejayalemus 496 points497 points ago

And now he`s Mr Plow!

[–]PrototypeT800 1389 points1390 points ago

That megabytes are the same as megabits. ಠ_ಠ

[–]Damasticator 1409 points1410 points ago

It's just present vs. past tense.

[–]VivaLaBeaver 761 points762 points ago

Just don't conjugate into future tense. MegaBat will destroy us all!

[–]ortusdux 617 points618 points ago

I had a internet setup call go like this:

CSR: "So you should get speeds of up to 8 megabytes a seccond!"

Me: "Megabits or bytes?"

him: "Oh yah, bits."

Me "That's an important point; its a factor of 8 difference!"

Him: "Hey, you don't have to tell me, i've been doing this for 15 years! So we will get you set up with the 8 megabyte a second package?"

Me: "I'm gonna need to talk to someone else...."

[–]Damasticator 1072 points1073 points ago

"You need to get a screen protector because the oils and heat from your fingers will wear down the touch screen on your new Android phone."

That day I learned that my fingers will destroy gorilla glass.

[–]GrandpasSwagJuice 814 points815 points ago

just one question: how do they get the gorillas to make the glass?

[–]Burnaby 1237 points1238 points ago

No, stupid, there's gorilla IN the glass.

[–]Panguin 503 points504 points ago

"I guess my first clue should have been when I fingered that girl to death."

[–]M_Binks 157 points158 points ago

To be fair, she was also exposed to a lot of alcohol, so that may have weakened her.

[–]whimsical_pizza 1466 points1467 points ago

I went with my younger sister to buy her first laptop for school, about a year ago when tablets were becoming a huge thing. I explained to the Best Buy salesman that we were here to buy a laptop or perhaps a netbook, and he kept saying that "laptops are basically obsolete now, everyone is switching to tablets." I told him that we wanted a simple computer for her to type essays etc. on and that a touchscreen keyboard wouldn't be ideal for that anyway. He seemed extremely reluctant to sell us a computer and kept stressing that "nobody uses laptops anymore."

I couldn't believe it.

[–]yourotherusername 127 points128 points ago

When i go to best buy with friends I spend my time listening for sales people and then when they walk away from someone I go up to the customer and correct what the sales person said.

Funny thing is they almost always take my advice even if they don't understand it. Kinda tells you that the public doesn't trust sales people more than random people.

[–]hozjo 1982 points1983 points ago

Fact: More glasses get broken in the presence of alcohol.

[–]Mattbird 1287 points1288 points ago

Can't explain that.

[–]fascistvegan 1058 points1059 points ago

Yes I can: alcohol weakens glass.

[–]edgyeduardo 349 points350 points ago

[PROOF]

[–]darknite24 527 points528 points ago

We were trying to buy a used car and the front end was pulling hard right. He told us it was supposed to do that in case you fall asleep at the wheel the car will go offroad instead of into median...

[–]Skulder 1460 points1461 points ago*

Gold-plated optical cables give a better connection.

Optical cables. With gold plating.

They really do exist.

EDIT: 3000 people voted on this, not a single one pointed out I couldn't spell "cables". I don't know whether to be happy or disappointed.

[–]amburka 135 points136 points ago

With directional arrows on the cable right?

Showing which way the data flows?

[–]deepredsky 792 points793 points ago

You didn't notice the difference? Stick with Monster Cables next time. Trust me.

[–]iliveinyoureyelid 937 points938 points ago*

I was buying mutual funds, and the representative was showing us some 'ethical' funds. I noticed that Coca-Cola was on the list. I asked him about it, he immediately volunteered that Coca-Cola wasn't all that ethical, but then said if the fund buys enough shares, they can change Coke's policies !

We all just sat and stared at each other.

[–]amputer 501 points502 points ago

Maybe he's just really ambitious.

[–]iliveinyoureyelid 429 points430 points ago*

After he said it, he had a look like WTF did I just say then looked at us to see how closely we were listening... after a moment of silence, he just changed the subject.

[–]chalkycandy 96 points97 points ago

At least he knows he's full of bullshit.

[–]RalphMacchio 934 points935 points ago

slightly off topic....

My strategy for dealing with salespeople:

Act kind of dumb and ask a couple questions for which I definitely know the answers. If their response is BS (either lying to me or just not knowing what the hell they are talking about), then I say thanks and walk away. If they respond with honesty and knowledge, then I continue asking questions and gradually transition from things I already know to the things that I actually wanted to ask the salesperson. This way I can have a decent amount of confidence in the validity of the answers.

[–]Spillzy 56 points57 points ago

That's actually pretty good advice

[–]SOLIDDD 1491 points1492 points ago

Bestbuy employee trying to get me to pay an additional $90 dollars to let the "tech experts" there optimize the laptop I wanted to purchase. Apparently my computer would run up to 100x faster and I wasn't qualified to do this myself. A quick Google search on my smartphone revealed it was a scam where they would just delete some of the programs that come with the laptop and do the initial turn on.

[–]DerangedDesperado 1172 points1173 points ago

I bought my last computer from best buy. They asked me this as well, but i asked them what they do to "optimize" the computer. When they told me, what it was i just sort of stared and said no. Then they dropped it to 50, and said they would make a copy of the operating system. I wasnt aware the computer didnt come with a operating disc. But i figured i could look it up online and told him no again. Once i got him i looked at the start menu and it was a button you click for making the discs. So it was 90 bucks for deleting shit and clicking a button. Fuckin shady.

[–]Libertarian-Centrist 1028 points1029 points ago

A lot of Best Buy shoppers aren't sophisticated enough to even do that much though...

[–]Ryugi 1186 points1187 points ago

A lot of Best Buy employees aren't sophisticated enough to even do that much...

[–]Fizz11 1047 points1048 points ago

As a former best buy employee, I can confirm that both these statements are correct.

[–]flibbertygiblet 368 points369 points ago*

They have another shady practice where they will do this to a certain number of pcs that they have in stock, then jack up the price $90 before the customer even touches it. Last summer, the hubs and I wanted to buy a simple, basic laptop for his mom. Best Buy had some on sale, so we went there.

The last one they had in stock had already been "optimized" and the sales guy refused to sell it to us for the sale price. The hubs said, "Let me get this straight. You are trying to charge me for services that I did not ask for, that I do not want, that I now have to spend my time undoing(anti virus), and now it isn't in factory condition?" The sales guy just stared and nodded.

We talked to the manager who ended up selling it to us for sale price, but still. They're "optimizing" part of their stock right off the bat now just to jack up the price and sell their Geek Squad services.

[–]Tooq 453 points454 points ago

Also known as the Ccleaner/Ninite combo.

[–]Pinyaka 396 points397 points ago

TIL ninite.com exists...

[–]chronographer 252 points253 points ago

Ninite is the best.

[–]artisan800 331 points332 points ago

I understand Best Buy trying out new ways to make a dollar, but there was a while there (and it might still be this way for all I know) that BB was "pre-optimising" machines, charging more for them, and selling them as new.

When I buy a product new, I expect it to come exactly as it left the factory. I don't want some retail employee opening my shit and using it before I do. If I am going to buy a used computer, I expect it to be advertised as such and sold for less than a factory sealed computer.

Furthermore, you can't really "optimize" a computer if you don't know what I'm going to use it for, but that's a different argument altogether.

[–]tacojohn48 1156 points1157 points ago

I was told that the used Ford Escort I was looking at was a real panty dropper.

[–]poizonous 984 points985 points ago

Well it was called an escort

[–]silvercookie 323 points324 points ago

I used to drive one of those. I can confirm that panties have been dropped in the backseat.

[–]TBTakaTBT 558 points559 points ago

Grandma's shopping bag tipped over?

[–]silvercookie 567 points568 points ago

No. They were mine. Sometimes thing fall out on the way to the laundromat. :(

[–]heurrgh 661 points662 points ago

Salesman: ...all our extrusions are way better cause they're lighter. Other makers use anodized aluminium - that's aluminium painted with Anodize - and all them coats of Anodize makes them heavy.

[–]Digipete 343 points344 points ago

I...I think that I would have asked the salesman exactly which competitors did that, and while he was standing there call up one of the other companies to possibly place an order.

[–]Grazfather 122 points123 points ago

the anodized surface of aluminum is stronger than steel. I would love it if I could buy 'Anodize paint'.

[–]christophski 193 points194 points ago*

I overheard a salesmen telling somebody that a laser printer will "never run out like an ink printer"

edit: there seems to be confusion over the emphasis of the sentence, the salesman said it as "it will never run out like an inkjet printer", as in, it won't run out of anything, it will always work.

[–]F-Stop 417 points418 points ago

You just have to open the cartridge, letting the light in to refill it. It runs on pure laser juice.

[–]CanadaEh97 608 points609 points ago

Have you ever walked into a GNC? If you have I don't need to say more.

[–]DerpExplosion 292 points293 points ago

2012 IS THE YEAR TO GET RIPPED BROOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

[–]BeezowPooPoo_ZGopGop 73 points74 points ago

no it won't make you jittery at all ಠ_ಠ A LIE

[–]leafeator 1733 points1734 points ago

I was told by the guy at the liquor store that I should not buy wine because it will not get anyone drunk. "The alcohol in there is so low you would need to drink ten bottles." He then suggested PBR.

[–]SHFT 1092 points1093 points ago

I bet he thinks it's just fancy grapejuice.

[–]TheLastBadger 1380 points1381 points ago

Nigga, what the fuck is juice?

[–]jmur89 159 points160 points ago

Maybe you were attempting to purchase a bottle of Boone's Farm.

[–]ColonOBrien 267 points268 points ago

Boone's Farm = liquid cake frosting....you get drunk and diabetes as a bonus!

[–]LetsGo_Smokes 101 points102 points ago

That's one alcoholic who knows his stuff.

[–]4amPhilosophy 158 points159 points ago

I got a doozy while looking for my wedding ring. Now, I'm not particularily a diamond person and was considering other types of stones. I slipped up and in converstation the word wedding came out of my mouth. The rings I was looking at were promptly covered up and a much more expensive tray were brought out. Before I could even roll my eyes I was told that, "You need diamonds for a wedding ring, they are harder and won't ever get scratchs on them. Those auqamarines are so soft that the surface will be completely scratched up within a year making it cloudy and you don't want that to be your wedding memory."

I promptly walked out of that store.

[–]cassieee 478 points479 points ago

A dentist once told me that if you're on antibiotics, Novocaine won't have an effect on you. I told the next dentist I went to and they basically were like, "We don't want to tell you that he lied to you, but that is absolutely not true."

[–]teeah22 276 points277 points ago

If you have a raging infection in a tooth, the anesthetic (most likely lidocaine or septocaine, novocaine is no longer used) will not be as effective. So many times the dentist will put you on an antibiotic for a bit before doing work on the tooth so that the anesthetic will work. The infection changes the pH around the tooth which is what makes the anesthetic not work. Maybe this is what he was trying to get at? But yeah, an antibiotic doesn't interact with anesthetic at all.

[–]sonofspermcube 77 points78 points ago

"This car doesn't have airbags. You don't want those, they're dangerous."

Maybe if you're 4 and a half feet tall, I guess.

[–]DanKajito 74 points75 points ago

At Future Shop and I was looking for a double female headphone adapter. The guy told me to buy a $160 pair of gaming headphones that happened to come with the adapter I wanted. What he said after really astounded me.

"It's perfect, you get the adapter you need and a free pair of headphones!"

[–]KitDeMadera 778 points779 points ago

When asked why I was canceling my cable TV, I said that I was going to use an antenna to get (digital) over the air signals.

I was told that you can't get TV over an antenna any more.

[–]splattypus 407 points408 points ago

I find it kind of amusing that people are going back to antennas for their tv again.

[–]DJTaki 324 points325 points ago*

I was buying my PS3 at best buy and "for only $65" they were willing to "set up my console to my tv (HD was extra, mind you.), create a PSN account and get me connected through wifi."

EDIT: Apparently what i was offered was a pretty good deal, did some looking around online and found this gem. http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/4/2009/09/500x_500x_76SC6.jpg

[–]weekendofsound 30 points31 points ago

Only $65? Where do I sign up?

[–]Trip_McNeely 50 points51 points ago

On the sign-in sheet but for another $25, we will sign-up for you!

[–]Rasimov 2456 points2457 points ago

Monster cables are the only cables to give you a "true HD" experience.

[–]tnhale 282 points283 points ago

It makes me livid that they take advantage of people who aren't tech savvy. It makes me want to just hang around Best Buy shadowing the salespeople and smack them whenever they say this crap.

[–]hukeeb 39 points40 points ago

As a former Best Buy employee, allow me to quote a Geek Squad coworker. "Yeah, Geek Squad only exists because of how fucking retarded people are."

[–]oditogre 27 points28 points ago

They actually do help, though. See, they thin out your wallet, making you sit more levelly, whereas with other, cheaper cables, your fat wallet will make everything look slightly angled.

[–]robotusson 670 points671 points ago

I openly ridicule my friends for buying beats and remind them the bieber is a spokesperson too.

BEATS by Bieber! More street than Dre!

[–]LetsGo_Smokes 854 points855 points ago

[–]pringle_king 201 points202 points ago

I was looking to buy a decent quality pair of headphones and tried these at an audiophile store and then determined that I also liked treble in my music. Plus the overall sound just seemed so cold and lifeless compared to the $150 cheaper pair of Denon's I ended up buying.

[–]jerbookins 129 points130 points ago

This wasn't told to me by a salesman but a "technical support representative" of Best Buy.

I used to own a CRT Samsung HDTV and had moved into an apartment with some friends so it got a lot of use. As time went on, we noticed that the picture would suddenly look distorted and noisy for no good reason. As I had purchased the set from Best Buy with the extended warranty, I held no reservation on calling them right away to try and extort my way into a new TV. Back then (approx. 6-7 years ago) it was extremely easy to take advantage of their replacement warranties. However, in this particular instance, Best Buy got the best of me by fucking me over with the worst tech reps in the history of tech reps. I had 3 at home visits with this guy whom, upon concluding that he knew absolutely fuck-all about what was wrong with my TV, would give me the most ridiculous excuses not to replace my set. Most notably was the final excuse I allowed him to give me: "Your TV is not properly adjusted to the magnetism of the Earth. Unfortunately, this is not something that is covered by our warranty and doesn't fall outside of Samsung's 'normal operation' criteria." At which point I instructed him the swiftest way out of my apartment.

In the end, I managed to get some sympathy from Best Buy's management on the matter of my TV as well as the fuck-face of a tech. They couldn't believe what they heard when I told them what their rep said to me, and they helped me with replacing a circuit board inside the TV. I also took the liberty of keeping a few of the tools that the rep left behind after he was done determining it was the Earths magnetism that was causing all my HDTV woes.

tl;dr best buy service technician told me my hdtv was misbehaving due to not being properly attuned to the earths magnetism.

[–]clintonius 435 points436 points ago*

Drove with a friend from New York to Florida in his crappy old Civic, White Pony. When we got there, we discovered a leak in the radiator, and it started running hotter than it should. We popped into an auto parts shop, and the guy first told us about an $8 bottle of solution you can pour into the radiator to stop the leaks. Then he proceeded to warn us against it, saying it doesn't work very well, and that we should buy a new radiator for $800 (this car couldn't have been worth more than $1000) and take it to the mechanic next door. We pretended to mull it over, then politely declined and said we'd take the solution. He said, "Oh yeah, good call. Stuff works real good."

Edit: No exaggeration, the dude quoted $800, though given that this was over four years ago and my memory isn't perfect, he may have said that was his estimate for parts plus labor if we took it to the guy he recommended. At any rate, 800 was the number. And the stop-leak stuff worked like a charm. Friend had the car for another couple of years before he gave it away for a tax break, and never had another problem with the radiator.

[–]NaziButler 164 points165 points ago

aaaand this is why you should become friends with your mechanic if you don't want to pay for unnecessary shit

[–]pokeymcsnatch 85 points86 points ago

He was telling the truth- that Stop Leak fluid will gunk up your cooling system and ruin shit. It will plug pin hole leaks, but the trade-off is that it will clog up your heater core (which is usually a bitch to replace), gunk up your thermostat, and make a mess in your radiator.

Unless it's an emergency and you have no other choice, NEVER put that shit in your cooling system.

As for $800 for a new radiator... that's bullshit. A new radiator costs about $200 and takes less than an hour to install.

[–]Kalima 677 points678 points ago

I've had a contract with T-mobile for 8 years. I got a call yesterday telling me that they can save me money on my plan. I had 2 big questions; 1. Would this extend my plan? Yes. 2. Would this allow them to throttle my data if i went over their allotment? Yes (currently with my old contract they can't) and finally, how much money would i save? none...

[–]cuwabren 555 points556 points ago

That was 3 questions...

[–]Bad_Sex_Advice 122 points123 points ago

My dad had a similar verizon story - basically they called us to try and "save us money" by basically trying to get us to drop our old contract and resign one that wouldn't allow us unlimited data.

He got the lady to admit that they really wouldn't save us any money at all, and that "I guess it doesn't really make sense to do."

[–]ironymouse 118 points119 points ago

2 big questions and a little one

[–]Slapbox 174 points175 points ago

I bust out laughing and responded 'yeah i used to bartend and we'd had that problem all the time, vodka bottles spontaneously exploding.'

That's why high quality vodkas like Crystal Palace come in plastic bottles!

[–]CarpeKitty 181 points182 points ago

Had microsoft support say they were exempt from the consumer guarentees act in NZ in reference to the RROD.

No, you aren't above the law microsoft. You don't sell oil or make movies.

[–]ethyms 877 points878 points ago

At wal-mart I asked if they carried any cat5 in lengths longer than 25ft and the salesperson said they don't make them because the signal wont travel that far.

[–]Elaphe 410 points411 points ago

He/she was probably told to never say "I don't know" because it "gives an impression of ignorance about the products and the costumers expect you to know what you're talking about." My manager told me how she doesn't know a damn thing about printers and computers, but she talks like she does to the costumer so that they believe everything she says. Pisses me off to no end.

[–]Galaxyman0917 268 points269 points ago

I can confirm this, as a Walmart employee. We're trained to never say no, or i don't know. Rather, we're supposed to find an associate who can answer the question for us.

[–]cabalum 557 points558 points ago

I read that and thought 'where the fuck do you find 25ft cats'.

[–]MrDNL 578 points579 points ago

Next to the really big balls of yarn.

[–]sweater_vest 112 points113 points ago

I was trying to find a way to buy wine that had low sulfites. Asked the person working at the liquor store. I clarified that "organic" didn't have anything to do with sulfites.

She told me that "organic" just meant that no animal products were used. Seemed stumped when I asked how that worked with "organic" beef.

[–]JaronK 51 points52 points ago

I had someone claim that the food they were selling could not possibly give anyone any allergies, because it was all natural, and only artificial stuff gives you allergic reactions. What they were selling was almond brittle. I asked about people with nut allergies. She said there were no nuts in it... just almonds.

My brain hurt.

[–]T_Sis 692 points693 points ago

"these will make your penis grow 3 inches"

[–]DarnTheseSocks 454 points455 points ago

Pictures of boobs?

[–]CocoSavege 1127 points1128 points ago

What would I do with a 5" penis?

[–]Random-Miser 948 points949 points ago

While working for Dell we used to tell people that the dell computer systems run faster because they were the only computers to use Flux Capacitors. Not once were we ever called out on it.

[–]RogueNine 159 points160 points ago

I used to tell people the difference in the old (this was 2004) 2300 and the 2350 that the 2350 was 50 faster.

[–]Kadmos 60 points61 points ago

I mean, if it weren't 50 more than the 2300, why would they call it that?

[–]craptaxi 1014 points1015 points ago

That his potato peeler would get sharper the more I used it. "So I can get an infinitely sharper blade out of this deal?" "uhh.... yes"

[–]umanwizard 1323 points1324 points ago

To be fair, a strictly increasing sequence doesn't necessarily converge to infinity. Even if it got sharper with every use, there could still be an upper bound to sharpness.

[–]tarballs_are_good 1494 points1495 points ago

You're such an assymptote.

[–]CocoSavege 787 points788 points ago

Everybody to the limit!

Everybody to the limit!

Everybody come on fhqwhgads!

[–]homestar440 288 points289 points ago

Come on fhqwhgads....you're just making yourself look worse, man. Everybody's just gonna feel sorry for you. I mean, I do.

[–]Shadradson 78 points79 points ago

FWHORDLINGGRADS!

Coach Z, I thought I told you to get out of here like an hour ago.

[–]AmbiguousStatement 438 points439 points ago

TIL potatoes are edible sharpening blocks.

ಠ_ಠ

[–]PattyPegface 331 points332 points ago

Dude. The Irish were a dominating world force before the famine. They could go years without replacing blades. Some think the English wiped out the crops for fear of losing their power.

[–]Tomble 262 points263 points ago

I was told that cooking with a microwave damaged the DNA of the food due to radiation. I explained non-ionizing radiation to the guy, and also how any possible radiation damage was nothing compared to the damage it would receive when it hit stomach acids, and finally that my goal when eating food was not to incorporate the DNA into my own but to digest it like other proteins.

[–]FightingAmish 46 points47 points ago

A Blue Shirt wouldn't let me use a coupon on a 360 game because it said for Xbox 360 software only and that means "joysticks and stuff." Eventually a manager came over.

[–]Milligan 404 points405 points ago

Wide area network over satellites. An app was sending small packets and waiting for an acknowledgement after each one. Synchronous satellites are at 24,000 miles height so a round trip takes 4 x 24000 miles, about half a second due to the speed of light limit for the radio transmission. The app was too slow.

Salesman for another satellite communications company told us that their satellites didn't have that limitation.

[–]k6richar 144 points145 points ago

This is possible if they instead have a array of low level satellites. Complicated and more expensive, but possible.

[–]Milligan 259 points260 points ago

Or maybe they could afford to pay the speeding ticket for going over 186,000 miles/second.

It was in about 1982, so just a simple synchronous satellite relay.

[–]rhymeswithbanana 241 points242 points ago

"Honey, you need to bring a man into the shop if you don't wanna get taken for a ride." (it was a motorcycle dealer)

So wait... are you straight-up telling me that you are currently taking me for a ride?

Smashing sales technique!

[–]jusu 1772 points1773 points ago

Greenpeace activist telling me that nuclear power causes both global warming and the ozone hole over the Arctic and Antarctic.

I could not even start arguing, she was so clueless.

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[–]BipolarBear0 319 points320 points ago*

So all of Malaysia would be gone in just over 100 days? Good logic.

Edit: A nice fellow below just informed me that it would only take around 30 days for Malaysia to go up in flames at that rate. This is what I get for doing math in my head.

[–]CitizenPremier 278 points279 points ago

No, they're just burning the same area over and over again.

[–][deleted] 92 points93 points ago

Malaysia is going to be gone in 100 days!?! What are we doing just sitting around then!

[–]jumpup 228 points229 points ago

watching it burn

[–]randygiesinger 1327 points1328 points ago

that's almost as bad as a engineering student on a co-op telling me "look at all that pollution" while pointing at a cooling stack in -20 weather.......steam is dangerous to your health folks

[–]seannyboi 753 points754 points ago

There is actually such a thing as "thermal pollution" if I'm not mistaken, but I doubt that's what the engineer was talking about.

[–]AgCrew 362 points363 points ago

That's typically associated with using a small or isolated body of water as a heat sink for some process. The atmosphere provides a large enough heat sink that it shouldn't be a concern.

[–]widgetas 752 points753 points ago*

A chugger (Charity Mugger - A phenomena common in the UK, don't know about elsewhere, where lots of people stop passers by in the street and try and get them to sign up to donations) once told me that she was against all nuclear power. Being a physicist, I asked "What about nuclear fusion possibilities in the future?"

"Noooo all nuclear is bad! It's not natural!"

I laughed, replied along the lines of "HERP!" and pointed at the Sun. Mind you, she couldn't have even said that about nuclear fission as it's a natural process too.

The ignorance and continued misinformation surrounding nuclear power is frustrating. As we're getting towards safer, cleaner and different types of nuclear energy, there's still going to be that public mindset that nuclear is baaaad. Education is the key, of course, but it doesn't help that so many people are content to lie.

edit - Thanks for Ender06 for reminding me about LFTRs. Exciting stuff, assuming it's do-able.

[–]SpoonyM 656 points657 points ago

I find this hard to believe as there is no sunlight in the UK.

[–]widgetas 358 points359 points ago

South West. I pointed at the general glow from behind the rain clouds.

[–]Thermodynamicist 75 points76 points ago

The thing which really annoys me is when people denigrate nuclear power and then say nice things about CCS.

At least radioactive waste decays over time. Carbon dioxide is forever, until you do chemistry on it. Pumping huge amounts of the stuff into old oil/gas wells is crazy, because if you wait long enough, it's pretty much certain that geology will conspire to liberate said gas...

[–]socrates114 659 points660 points ago*

a guy from Rent-a-center told me the ps2 could also play xbox games

EDIT: Guys I was like 11 ( im 21 now)haha it was in the heyday of the ps2/gamecube/xbox generation. I just went in while my mom shopped in the plaza it was in. Ta

[–]Ecliastee 135 points136 points ago*

Thats exactly what happened to me! I was about to post that but then I read some more comments and stumbled upon yours

Edit: no wonder this is so familiar! my brother posted that and I didn't read the username

[–]solskjaer 308 points309 points ago

A stripper once told me I was really handsome.

[–]zippyajohn 44 points45 points ago

"So why do you want a gym membership?"

"Well I need to lose weight for school(flight school)"

"There is no way you can lose weight without a personal trainer!"

I went from 235 to 185. That gentleman was fired before I could go rub it in his face.

[–]Lampmonster1 885 points886 points ago

Was told by a salesmen trying to sell me a extended warranty on a $150 television "This is what I recommend to all my customers."

Which is fine except that he was wearing a trainee name tag. "So, like four people?"

[–]llaammaaa 371 points372 points ago

My response to the extended warranty is always: "Well I don't want it if it is that likely to break."

[–]davvik 347 points348 points ago

My manager cut into a conversation I was having with a customer and offered the extended warranty on a printer. (They had been watching me like a hawk since my warranty sales dropped to zero for two weeks in a row).

Before she interrupted us the customer seemed happy with the printer I was suggesting would meet his needs and also had a cart full of paper and other such office supplies.

After she makes her attempt with the warranty (which sounded desperate), the customer says to me "Is that printer that likely to break?"

He didn't buy anything since he thought the manager's interruption was so rude.

[–]IAmA-Steve 260 points261 points ago

People go to brick and mortar stores for convenience, when they get harassed with warranties etc it is no longer convenient. If Bestbuy does not learn this it will go the way of Circuit City.

What happened to the old days when salesmen helped customers instead of harassing them? Big business strikes again.

[–]OmnipotentEntity 72 points73 points ago

Seriously, it baffles me everyday when the people at BBY Corp don't get this. Instead they think, "our traffic is down, we need to make every customer more profitable to make up for it."

It's seriously dumb. :/

[–]Elaphe 579 points580 points ago

As someone who recently got a job where we're required to sell extended warranties: Yes, we have to recommend the extended warranties to each and every person that is interested in any sort of technology.

Nothing makes me hate myself and my job more than being required to tell some technologically impaired old lady that she NEEDS the 2 year warranty on a 4GB flash drive.

Luckily, we don't have to suggest the most expensive product... (Monster cables come to mind.)

[–]Releasethebears 334 points335 points ago

Do you happen to work at radioshack?? Cause I want to kill myself every day at work for this reason

[–]aslyter45 458 points459 points ago

Fellow radioshack employee here. The worst is when someone comes in for, say, a weather radio and i get bitched out for not trying to sell them 5 iphones.

[–]joshing_uno 315 points316 points ago

It's really too bad. I know it's not the employees fault, I've worked in pressured retail spaces before, but the sales tactics they force on the workers keep me from shopping at Radio Shack. If Im ever forced to buy a cable or adapter, I basically run to the wall of small items, hoping that I won't be approached, and scan as fast as I can. It's like a game.

[–]zLightspeed 80 points81 points ago

Yup. There are some shops that I just don't go to anymore because of how annoying the sales people are (through no fault of their own, it's what they're told to do). Makes no sense business-wise.

[–]Stratisphear 38 points39 points ago

That 0.01 dollars equals 0.01 cents.

[–]Rorkimaru 265 points266 points ago

Best one I have is what I was told in computer class as a kid; "DVDs have more storage than CDs because they write on both sides."

[–][deleted] ago

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[–]vearson26 34 points35 points ago

Last time I went car shopping, salesman tried to get me to buy that fast because "We got a guy coming up in the morning from out of state to buy that truck."

If that was true, that's a dick move trying to sell it out from under him.

[–]borgconsulting 34 points35 points ago

A car salesman told me that the window sticker price is what he paid for the car, so if he wanted his kids to eat I'd have to pay more than that.

I laughed long and loud, got up, walked out, bought car someplace they don't call me an idiot to my face.

[–]DiaperParty 395 points396 points ago

That my used car used to belong to Jon Voight.

[–][deleted] ago

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[–]tushka 207 points208 points ago

How funny! There's a bar in town that I frequent that has Sam Adams on their imported beer list, too.

[–]mitrie 178 points179 points ago

It annoyed me to no end when I was in Austin and some bars around there listed Shiner Bock as an import. It's brewed about 50 miles away from the city.

[–]deighv 355 points356 points ago

For some reason "Import" has become a replacement for the word "Premium". Almost every bar in the US does it. Drives me nuts.

[–]KMoneyThunder 443 points444 points ago

That I needed a $150 HDMI Cable......

[–]JoeLiar 344 points345 points ago*

Try $1095.99 for a 1m cable at Best Buy.

This HDMI cable features a Dielectric-Bias System that reduces distortion and 100% Perfect-Surface Silver conductors for improved signal clarity. The Direct-Silver-plated HDMI connectors provide a simple connection and durability.

I was shopping for a DVI cable, when a salesman said I needed this instead.

P.S. They don't carry DVI cables anymore.

[–]concussedYmir 157 points158 points ago

Best Buy is the best place for impromptu lectures about the differences between "analog" and "digital", at least when it comes to 1m long cables.

Just shout loudly if you feel you're being ignored.

[–]chanteur8697 35 points36 points ago

Once while buying an HDMI cable, a salesperson told me that the company selling the $600 4-foot cable used a special treatment that allowed more light to travel through the cable faster and there was more HD for the money. Without thinking about it I threw my head back and laughed at her, before seeing her look really embarassed and walk away. I almost felt bad about it. Almost.

[–]Knight203 34 points35 points ago

I was looking for a roll of high ISO film at a ritz camera and they keep every thing but the 100iso behind the counter so I asked him what ISO they had and he went on a 5 minute rant on how film doesn't have ISO and that its only in digital, how I must be new to photography. I walked out of the store

[–]michaelocc 34 points35 points ago

Rogers (cellphone carrier) salesman told me I needed to get a biggger data plan for my kids' phones because "one web page could be 5GB". I told him he'd just lost the sale, explained why, and went elsewhere.

[–]scuby22 33 points34 points ago

I overheard a Circuit City salesman tell someone that the resolution of a monitor controlled how fast the computer was on the internet.

[–]Bwtadpole 376 points377 points ago

This didn't happen to me, but I'm going to say it did because it sounds more interesting...

About 15 years ago, Chicago house prices were skyrocketing. We were in the process of selling our home, which is just on the other side of the city limits, about one block outside of Chicago. The real estate agent we were working with comes to us and says "Just say the house is in Chicago; you'll get a lot more money!"

Fired on the spot. Last thing you need is a police officer / fireman moving in for residency and getting sued for it.

[–][deleted] ago

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[–]AltAccountSockPuppet 160 points161 points ago

In general; it's fraud and illegal.

Specifically in the case of police/firemen; they are often required to reside in the city they are employed in.

[–]Bwtadpole 116 points117 points ago

In most major cities in the US, in order to be a police officer or a fireman (or woman), you have to live in the city that you serve. If a person like that serving Chicago bought a house under the pretense that it was in Chicago, only to find out that it isn't, the sellers can be sued.

[–]CityPretty 299 points300 points ago

A lady at some place told me that nail buffers "pull the natural oils to the top of your nails to make them shine" or some bullshit like that

[–]anonymousbosch 85 points86 points ago

"One size fits all."

[–]MrDNL 125 points126 points ago*

"I'm not selling my client's ad space. I'm providing value to you, the advertiser. I don't care if my client gets paid."

[–]TophatMcMonocle 249 points250 points ago

When you can no longer trust a head shop employee to give you straight scientific answer, the end is nigh.

[–]TheFraz311 163 points164 points ago

I had a guitar salesman try to talk me out of buying blue steel bass strings saying that it will damage my bass. One, pretty fucking sure they won't and two, don't you ever try to talk a man out of buying something called Blue Steel.

[–][deleted] 89 points90 points ago

You'll love the Magnum strings.

[–]AsoBit 225 points226 points ago

Best buy employee once tried convincing my friend that an integrated graphics card would be fine and that he needed more RAM for better graphics.

[–]DudleyLynch 103 points104 points ago

I worked at BestBuy when I finished High School and was in College. I got fired because I would deter customers from buying the really expensive HDMI Cables, I knew that the more expensive the cable made no difference in the HD quality. After the douchey manager noticed a distinct lack of sales of the expensive HDMI cables and an increase in the cheaper ones he hunted me down and the other TV department employees rated me out. I got a lecture about how they are in the business of making money and that I shouldn't tell people that HDMI cables all do the same thing. I got a warning not to do it again but I did and got fired.

[–]mcorrie1121 26 points27 points ago

I had Comcast tell me I had to pay for a technician to come set up my basic cable connection. I told them it was already set up. I then told them never mind and plugged my tv straight into the wall. Whaddaya know, I get all basic channels + HD versions, fo free.

[–]serenityveritas 350 points351 points ago

Once my boyfriend and I were at Best Buy looking at HDTVs. He's been following the development of OLED screens and while we were waiting for something and chatting with the sales lady OLEDs came up. I pointed out I didn't want to wait for them to become sufficiently large enough since that would take years. The sales lady chimed in: "Also they're organic so that means they'll die."

[–]chollima 122 points123 points ago

Until very recently the lifetime of OLEDs (especially blue ones) was an issue.

[–]andrewsmith1986 1616 points1617 points ago

person trying to sell me a water filter and talking about how bad our water is under the ground.

Bitch I'm a geologist.

The chicot aquifer if amazing.